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2011-01-25T10:14:00.007+13:00

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2008 GT DHI Pro Specs

2010-12-20T06:00:00.001+13:00

MSRP $3,499.00

- Frame: Reinforced GT TIG-Welded and monocoque frame with carbon fiber seat mast, maxle 150mm Rear Axle, 8.5” travel
- Rear Shock: FOX Van R, coil over damper with rebound/compression/platform adjust
- Suspension: RockShox Boxxer Race fork, coil spring, motion control damping, 203mm travel; Fox Van R coil-over shock with piggyback reservoir, adjustable rebound and platform adjust
- Handlebar: FSA DH Riser Bar
- Wheels/Tires: WTB Speed Disc DH rims, WTB 20mm front and 12mm rear thru-axle hubs; Kenda Nevegal DH 2.5” Tires w/ Stik-E compound
- Stem: FUNN RSX Direct mount for Boxxer, full CNC 30 degree rise, for 31.8 bar bore
- Nipples: Brass
- Brake Levers: Shimano Deore LX
- Spokes: 14 Gauge Stainless
- Rear Hub: WTB Sealed Cartridge bearing 12 x 150 mm through axle
- Rims: WTB Speed Disc DH, with eyelets
- Front Hub: WTB Sealed Cartridge bearing 20 mm through axle
- Chain: 9 - Speed
- Cassette: SRAM 970 9 speed, 12-26
- Shifters: Sram X-7, right only
- Rear Derailleur: Sram X-9, Medium Cage
- BB set: FSA Mega Exo
- Chainguide: E-Thirteen SRS for Idrive system
- Seat Post: FSA DH300 seatpost
- Brakes: Shimano Deore LX hydraulic disc brakes
- Crankset: FSA Gravity Mega EXO DH Light, single 42 Tooth ring
- Drivetrain: SRAM X-9 rear derailleur; SRAM X-7 trigger shifter
- Grips: GT alloy Lock Down
- Headset: FSA PIG DH PRO, cold forged alloy upper cup, cr-mo oversized lower cup with industrial grade sealed bearings
- Saddle: WTB Rocket V Pro, with Cr-mo Rails
- Seat Post: FSA DH 300 zero offset 3-D forged CNC machined 2014 with Stainless hardware
- Seat Clamp: Alloy forged

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2010-09-18T06:52:00.020+12:00

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How to beat the Fantastic Four? We've got the secret

2009-04-20T12:53:00.001+12:00

By NBA.com staff
Posted Apr 16 2009 3:20PM

We asked NBA.com's writers to give us an idea of how to beat the top teams in the Playoffs. Here's what they had to offer:

How to beat the Cavaliers

To beat the Cavs in a seven-game series, you're going to need a little luck. They're 39-2 at Quicken Loans Arena, where they'll have four games in every round. And you don't get the best record in the league by being a bad road team, either.

Defensively, your best strategy is to protect the paint. You have to keep LeBron James away from the basket and make him a jump shooter. That's much easier said than done. His jumper has improved over the years. Still, he'll have some off shooting-nights during the postseason. The Cavs are the second-best 3-point shooting team in the league, but they were just 9-8 when they scored fewer than 30 points in the paint. They were 28-1 when they had 38 or more paint points.

Even if you can slow down the Cavs' offense, you're going to have a tough time scoring against their stingy defense. The strength of that defense is in numbers; no team helps out defensively better than the Cavs. They're five guys on a string. You're never going against just one defender.

One way to take away that strength is to put one of them on an island with an isolation up top or on the wing. If you send three or four guys to the weak side of the floor, you're making it harder for their defenders to help the guy on the ball. But you can only do that so much in the course of a 48-minute game.

The Cavs like to keep the ball on one side of the floor, and as with any defense, it pays to move the ball from side to side and make them work.
-- John Schuhmann
How to beat the Lakers

Defensively, you have to try to keep the ball on one side of the floor. The Lakers don't really start their offense until they make their second pass when they try to swing the ball to the opposite wing. The swing pass gives them the extra spacing to allow the triangle offense to operate at peak efficiency.

On offense, teams have had success when they force the action off the dribble and attack Derek Fisher. Fisher's legs are 34 years old. Quick guards give him trouble and often saddle him with early foul trouble. When he needs help, the Lakers turn to Jordan Farmar, who moves fast enough to keep up with the speed demons but gets exploited by bigger guards who post him up.

Kobe Bryant had as good of a season as anyone in the league not named LeBron James, but you can still bait him into trying to do too much. L.A. was 32-14 (.695) this season when Bryant attempted 20 shots or more and just 3-5 when he took 30-plus shots. The Lakers were 33-3 when he kept his attempts under 20.

Ever since the departure of Vladimir Radmanovic, L.A. hasn't had a consistent outside threat. Lakers coach Phil Jackson has implored Farmar to come in the game off the bench with a shooter's mentality, but Farmar's been reluctant, making just five of his last 26 attempts from deep in the Lakers' last 13 games. Sasha Vujacic has the gunner's mindset, but his 3-point percentage has dropped from a dependable 43.7 percent last season to just 35.6 percent this one. Teams will want try to pack the lane on Andrew Bynum and Pau Gasol and dare the Lakers to hit from outside.

If none of that works, your best bet is convincing David Stern to schedule all of the games in Portland. L.A. has lost its last eight games at the Rose Garden.
-- Dave McMenamin
How to beat the Celtics

During the last two seasons, the Boston Celtics have won 142 games, including the postseason. So the book on how to beat them is more of a pamphlet. Or, if you prefer a more timely reference, a blog entry.

One of the best ways is to make them chuck 'em from the cheap seats. Despite having shooters such as Ray Allen, Paul Pierce and Eddie House, in the 14 games in which they shot .437 or worse, the Celtics lost 11. In those 11 games, the Celtics shot .400 or better from 3-point range only twice. Letting Boston get hot is certain defeat as the Celtics are 29-1 when shooting .500 or better.

Keeping point guard Rajon Rondo from getting into the lane is key, as his dribble penetration sucks in defenses and leaves the perimeter loosely guarded. The Celtics are 23-5 when Rondo has 10-plus assists in a game. And because he can get into the lane with great frequency, Rondo shoots a stellar .506 from the field.

Any postseason opponent will want to get deep into the Celtics' bench, too. Boston's reserves averaged only 27.2 points per game, 22nd in the league. And while the dropoff isn't as steep with Mikki Moore and Stephon Marbury coming off the pine, the Big Three of Allen, Pierce and Kevin Garnett still account for 54.3 of the 100.8 points the Celtics average per game.

And finally, any team that meets the Celtics needs to fight back. The Celtics' defense, and at times the whole team's rough-and-tumble play, intimidated opponents last season. This season, the Cavs and Lakers showed if you stand tall and don't give an inch, the Cs get frustrated and may cede some ground.
-- Rob Peterson
How to beat the Magic

There's a theory about matching up against a team with a dominating force. Either clamp down on that guy and let the others beat you or shut down everyone else and let that one guy go to town. Dwight Howard and the Magic could be the test case.

As overpowering as Howard is, his skill set is rather one-dimensional. He destroys people on the block. His supporting cast is stockpiled with 3-point shooters -- Rashard Lewis, Hedo Turkoglu, Courtney Lee, Mickael Pietrus, Rafer Alston and so on.

Almost 28 percent of Orlando's shots come from downtown, and when those 3-point specialists aren't on, the Magic are ordinary. Orlando is barely a .500 team when shooting less than 33 percent from beyond the arc.

Focusing on Howard and/or his long-range counterparts shouldn't be as taxing on the defense as facing all-around threats such as LeBron James, Kobe Bryant and Dwyane Wade. None of the Magic men possesses that coast-to-coast ability to break down the defense single-handedly.

Pressuring Orlando's defense also has worked at times. The Magic are solid defensively, but they don't have many standout individual defenders other than Howard. When attacking the basket doesn't lead to Howard sending shots back the other way, the big man has a tendency to get out of position while helping. The lack of a deep bench also comes into play if Howard, Turkoglu or Lewis gets into foul trouble.
-- Art Garcia

Ultra-Rare Shark Caught and Eaten

2009-04-08T14:29:00.000+12:00

www.discovery.com
fear Asians, sharks.

April 7, 2009 -- A megamouth shark, one of the world's most elusive species, was caught, carved up and eaten by fishermen from a town in the Philippines, the environmental conservation group WWF said Tuesday.

So rare are megamouth shark sightings that each find is given a number -- this one, caught by fishermen from the coastal town of Donsol, was only the 41st ever seen or captured in the world.

But Elson Aca, a Donsol WWF representative, said it was butchered and its meat sauteed in coconut milk as a local delicacy, against the organization's advice.

The 13-foot, 1,100-pound megamouth was snared by fishermen trawling for mackerel off the Bicol peninsula on Luzon island.

The species, which is named after its 3-foot-wide mouth, is a fairly recent scientific discovery. The first specimen was caught off Oahu, Hawaii, in 1976, the WWF said.

The scientific community hailed it as the 20th century's most significant marine find, it added. Together with the whale shark, it is one of only three filter-feeding shark species in the world.

It is classified by the International Union for the Conservation of Nature as "data deficient" because so few have ever been studied.

Ironically, Donsol has earned a global reputation for marine conservation, after campaigners convinced the locals to stop butchering giant whale sharks which use the nearby waters to feed.

The town prides itself as the whale shark capital of the world and marine tourism is a key money earner.

The Philippines sits at the apex of a so-called Coral Triangle, considered by experts as a world center for marine biodiversity.

Cities switch off for Earth Hour

2009-03-29T13:10:00.000+13:00

Major cities and global landmarks have been plunged into darkness as millions of people switched off lights for an hour to protest against climate change.

The initiative, Earth Hour, was begun in Sydney two years ago by green campaigners keen to cut energy use.

Correspondents say the aim is to create a huge wave of public pressure to influence a meeting in Copenhagen later this year to seek a new climate treaty.

Critics describe the event as a symbolic and meaningless gesture.

The switch-off was planned to take place in more than 3,400 towns and cities across 88 countries, at 2030 in each local time zone.

Earth Hour was launched in 2007 as a solo event in Sydney, Australia, with more than two million people involved. Last year's event claimed the participation of 370 cities.

Organisers said they wanted to demonstrate what people can do to reduce their carbon footprint and save energy, thus drawing attention to the problem of climate change.

China debut

This time Sydney was one of the first places to switch off. The BBC's Nick Bryant described a city where skyscrapers were hard to make out against the night sky.

Revellers in Auckland, New Zealand - photo Earth Hour

In pictures: Earth Hour
Is your city taking part?

Hours later, Beijing's most prominent Olympic venues, the Bird's Nest and Water Cube, went dark. China is taking part for the first time, with major cities like Hong Kong, Shanghai and Guangzhou also dimming their lights.

Other locations due to take part this time include Edinburgh Castle in Scotland, St Peter's Basilica in Rome, Paris' Eiffel Tower, the Egyptian Pyramids and New York's Empire State Building.

Fast-food giant McDonald's has pledged to dim its "golden arches" at 500 locations, while celebrities such as actress Cate Blanchett and Archbishop Desmond Tutu have promised support.

UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon backed the initiative in a video posted this month on the event's YouTube channel.

"Earth Hour is a way for the citizens of the world to send a clear message," he said. "They want action on climate change."

People are invited to provide blogs and short video clips on how they spend their time.

Death is only a change of state [spam]

2009-03-26T21:56:00.001+13:00

Death is only a change of state.

ORLANDO, Fla.(AP) The Boston Celtics might be taking an extra road trip to defend their title.

It's a detour that might go through the Magic Kingdom.

Dwight Howard blocked a potential go-ahead layup by Paul Pierce with 3.8 seconds left, and the Orlando Magic clinched their second straight Southeast Division title with an 84-82 win over the Celtics on Wednesday night.

Howard had 24 points and 21 rebounds as the Magic (53-18) bumped Boston (54-19) by percentage points for second in the Eastern Conference. Orlando remains five games back of Cleveland for the conference lead with 11 games left. The Magic took the division title with Atlanta's loss to San Antonio.

"We get another banner,'' Howard said. "Hopefully we can get two more.''

Pierce hit a jumper to cut Orlando's lead to 83-82 with 1:27 left, but the Celtics couldn't make up the difference without Kevin Garnett, who was limited to 16 minutes as Boston continues to work him back in the lineup from a right knee strain. Pierce then missed a 3-pointer at the buzzer that would have won it for Boston.

Rashard Lewis had 21 points, and Hedo Turkoglu added 13 points for the Magic, who nearly blew a 16-point lead before holding on for their fourth straight win and 11th in their last 13 games. The Magic were held to just 14 points in the final period.

"I'm sure we'll see them again,'' Lewis said. "If we want to get to that ultimate goal, we'll have to go through Boston and Cleveland.''

Pierce had 26 points, and Ray Allen added 16 points for the Celtics, who snapped their four-game winning streak.

Fueled by their big man, the Magic finally started to shed that image of a team that can't win the big game.

Howard followed up a rim-rocking, two-hand dunk with a 3-point play that put the Magic up 66-50 with 3:54 left in the third quarter. Garnett was called for the foul on the play and left the game for good, but not before huddling his teammates to give them a few choice words.

They would respond.

Pierce had six points during a furious 12-2 Celtics run that trimmed Orlando's lead to six. Reaching to give his team some life, Howard dunked over Glen Davis on an alley-hoop from Turkoglu that ignited the Magic bench despite ending the third quarter with only a 70-62 lead.

"It's interesting. I don't think we were worried about being down,'' Allen said. "It was just like, 'Let's get to what we needed to get to.' But defensively we made some mistakes.''

With home-court advantage at stake for a potential second-round playoff series, the Celtics made health the priority.

Boston coach Doc Rivers again resisted the urge to play Garnett for a full game, limiting him to eight-minute spurts in the first and third quarters. Garnett finished with four points and eight rebounds in his fourth game back from injury, and Rivers has said he will continue to ease the All-Star forward back in the lineup.

"Our guys don't care about (home court). They want to get healthy,'' Rivers said. "And when we get healthy, we're willing to lace up against anybody.''

Magic coach Stan Van Gundy doesn't buy that as an excuse.

He started his postgame press conference by joking he wouldn't be controversial by blasting anybody, following barbs with the New York Knicks over not interviewing Magic assistant coach Patrick Ewing for a job and also accusing Shaquille O'Neal of flopping.

But Van Gundy couldn't resist.

"I want to know how some teams get on the list, where they get excuses and other teams are not on that list. All I've been hearing about is all the injury problems the Celtics have had this year,'' Van Gundy said.

Van Gundy went on to say how the Magic have dealt with the loss of All-Star point guard Jameer Nelson, who has missed 24 games since a season-ending shoulder tear Feb. 2. The Magic have recovered after a three-team trade brought point guard Rafer Alston from Houston, and Howard has continued to make up the point difference lost in Nelson's absence.

Howard's double-double by the first quarter made things tougher for the Celtics.

Orlando's do-it-all center had 12 points and 10 rebounds in the period, powering the Magic to a 25-19 lead after a quarter in which he had three dunks, soaring at times above the backboard. Howard started 6-for-9 shooting and took advantage of Garnett's limited minutes to penetrate the paint at will. It was the fourth time this season Howard had a double-double in the first 12 minutes.

Notes: Magic coach Stan Van Gundy's brother, Jeff, the former New York Knicks and Houston Rockets coach, was part of the ESPN telecast. Stan Van Gundy joked before the game that he better not hear his brother be critical of his coaching. "When I watch him, he's not critical of coaches. So if he's critical of me, I will be (ticked) off,'' Stan Van Gundy said, laughing. The brothers' father, Bill, was also in attendance. ... Both teams have one game left against first-place Cleveland. The Magic host the Cavaliers on April 3, and the Celtics play at Cleveland on April 12.

Copyright 2008 by STATS LLC and Associated Press. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of STATS LLC and Associated Press is strictly prohibited

Garnett returning to game shape as Celtics win

2009-03-25T16:01:00.000+13:00

Death is only a change of state.

BOSTON(AP) Ray Allen scored 20 points and the Boston Celtics, sparked by an alley-oop dunk from Kevin Garnett, pulled away for a 90-77 win over the Los Angeles Clippers on Monday night.

Rajon Rondo added 14 points and seven assists, while Kendrick Perkins scored 12 points and had 13 rebounds for Boston (54-18). The Celtics remained a game ahead of Orlando for second place in the Eastern Conference. The teams meet in Florida on Wednesday night.

Garnett played 18 minutes, hitting all five field-goal attempts while scoring 12 points. He added two rebounds and two assists in his third game back since missing 13 with a sprained right knee. He left a few minutes after scoring on an alley-oop pass from Rondo - a similar play on which he hurt his knee against Utah on Feb 19.

Zach Randolph led the Clippers with 17 points and 14 rebounds, while Baron Davis had 13 points, eight assists and seven boards.

Boston trailed 55-52 midway into the third quarter before scoring 14 straight points to take control. The Celtics took the lead for good at 56-55 on Garnett's short jumper in the lane before his alley-oop brought the relatively quiet crowd to its feet.

Allen then scored on a breakaway layup before he nailed a 3-pointer from the left corner 36 seconds before Paul Pierce's 3 from the top, closing the spree.

Boston led 70-60 after three and pushed it to 83-65 when Glen Davis broke out on a fast break, dribbled behind his back before hitting Eddie House, who nailed a 3-pointer from the left corner with 7:01 to play.

The Celtics led 31-18 after one quarter, but soft defense and poor shooting by their bench allowed the Clippers to climb right back. Boston's reserves shot 2-for-12 in the opening half.

Notes: Boston coach Doc Rivers said before the game that he was going to "back up'' Garnett's minutes "a bit'' for the next few games even though the team faces Orlando on Wednesday. "If we can't get the top seed, we want to be healthy,'' he said. ... Allen passed Walter Davis for 36th on the NBA's career scoring list. ... The Clippers have just five wins against teams over .500 this season, with their last against the Celtics at the Staples Center, 93-91 on Feb. 25. ... Boston had just four field goals in the second quarter.

Spam [end of post]

2009-03-24T14:29:00.002+13:00

There were times during this season when it looked as if no team other than the Cavs, Celtics and Lakers would crack the top three. And there were times when it looked like no one other than those three, the Magic and the Spurs would crack the top five.

Those walls have been broken down, more so by the frailties of the teams listed above than by a big run from any of the other 25 teams. These days, with Kevin Garnett's return boosting the Celtics back to elite status, it's the Spurs who aren't looking very top-fivish.

The top two teams, though, are looking impenetrable. Each has an insurmountable lead atop the conference and, together, they are competing only against each other for home-court advantage .

It has been predicted in this space multiple times that Cleveland-L.A. will be the matchup in the 2009 NBA Finals, and that possibility is looking stronger than ever. Not only will the Lakers have the No. 1 seed in the West, but they also have a winning record against every Western Conference team except one. (They're 1-1 against the Jazz, with one game remaining.)

The only Eastern Conference team with a head-to-head edge on the Cavs is the Celtics, who visit Quicken Loans Arena on April 12. Cleveland also has split its first two games with the Magic and visits Orlando on April 3. But of course, the Cavs are 32-1 at home, 21-0 against the East. And even though Ben Wallace is out, Cleveland is looking much more healthy than the Celtics these days.

Meanwhile, the Elimination Watch is on. They're still mathematically alive, but put former partners Larry Bird (Indiana) and Donnie Walsh (New York) on the guest list for May 19 in Secaucus. Then pencil in Rod Thorn (New Jersey), John Hammond (Milwaukee) and Steve Kerr (Phoenix) as well.

It looks like the eighth spot in the East will come down to the Bulls and Bobcats. They play once more (April 11 in Chicago) and Charlotte already has the tiebreaker, with wins in the first two games between the two teams.

• Last Week: A Fine Line
• This Time Last Year: Rising Suns and Convincing Celtics -- The Celtics swept through the Texas Triangle, the Suns had won seven straight, the Magic were showing improvement on the defensive end, the Warriors controlled their own destiny, and the Wizards were waiting on Gilbert Arenas.

Hero Team of the Week: Houston (4-0)
Zero Team of the Week: New York (0-3)

High jumps of the week: Houston (+3), L.A. Clippers (+3), New Jersey (+3), Sacramento (+3)
Free falls of the week: New York (-7), Washington (-4), Miami (-3), San Antonio (-3)

East vs. West: The East leads 215-203 (.514) in inter-conference games, but the West was 14-11 last week.

Pace: Possessions per 48 minutes (League Rank)
Off: Points scored per 100 possessions (League Rank)
Def: Points allowed per 100 possessions (League Rank) The league averages through Sunday are 90.4 possessions (per team) per 48 minutes and 109.6 points scored per 100 possessions.

As always, the stats don't determine the rankings, but they help evaluate each team and provide a picture of where they stand on both sides of the ball.

NBA.com's Power Rankings are just one man's opinion and are released every Monday during the season. If you've got an issue with the rankings, or have a question or comment for John Schuhmann, send him an e-mail.

By John Schuhmann, NBA.com
Posted Mar 23 2009 11:56AM

Now let's spam!!!! I am spamming my own blog, if you don't like it, sue me :)

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Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.
Death is only a change of state. Death is only a change of state.

Rockets move into first in Southwest without fanfare

2009-03-23T20:45:00.000+13:00

SAN ANTONIO -- So why didn't ABC want this game?

One of the Rockets wondered as much aloud in the locker room before Sunday afternoon's high-stakes showdown with the Spurs. Though the question came wrapped with a good-natured smile, the lack of respect --real or imagined -- has been a season-long inside joke in Houston.

What can't be argued is how these resilient Rockets keep plugging away. It's almost funny that Houston (47-25) has taken hold of the Southwest Division lead and sits second in the Western Conference after rallying past San Antonio 87-85 (Box Score | Recap) in the last regular-season meeting between these instate rivals.

"It's quite astounding, I think, for a lot of us," said Brent Barry, a reserve Rockets guard and Spurs exile. "There's kind of a quiet agreement that we can be a much better team than what we are now. We really feel like we have room to grow.

"That's the opportunity we have in the last 10 or so games before the regular season ends. Maybe we can still make strides in that direction, so come playoff time we're playing our best basketball of the year. We really think that's what our goal should be."

One of those strides is figuring out how to win without total reliance on Yao Ming and Ron Artest. The Rockets struggled throughout the second half to get good shots -- credit San Antonio's defense -- but they continued to fight and improvised with seasoned precision with the game hanging in the balance.

Twice in the last 30 seconds, Yao played the part of 7-foot-6 decoy. A relative non-factor at both ends with 13 points and eight boards, Yao still commands attention. So when the ball found his hands 18 feet from the basket, the Spurs predictably gravitated his way.

In both cases, Yao found a cutting Luis Scola at the basket. The second pass, dropped over charging Spurs forward Kurt Thomas, awarded Scola an easy layup and proved to be the game-winner with 11.2 seconds left.

"Yao found me and got the ball to me," said Scola, a former San Antonio draft pick. "I just saw the ball coming toward me and saw that the basket was open."

The play isn't exactly in Houston's repertoire. Asked how many times Yao-to-Scola has been run this season, Rockets coach Rick Adelman quipped: "Twice. Twice. That's about it." It turned out to be two too many for the Spurs, who weren't without an unsung star of their own.

Reserve swingman Ime Udoka put on his own show for the non-national TV audience with a nine-point blitz early in the fourth. During the run, he had a fastbreak layup with the ball hanging on the rim for an extra drama-building second, a put-back off a Tony Parker airball and a 3-pointer that left Adelman shaking his head in disbelief.

And then there were the lowlights. Tim Duncan scored 23, the most he's had since Feb. 17, but went scoreless in the fourth, missing all four shots. Parker made just 3 of 11 in the final period. Michael Finley took one shot ... in the game.

With the three-point loss to Boston on Thursday, the Spurs (45-24) may be questioning their ability to finish games after dropping two straight at home. San Antonio had led the division outright since Jan. 3 and was second in the West since Jan. 19.

"We're concerned with playing well and closing out games," Spurs guard Roger Mason, Jr. said. "We're concerned about being ready for the playoffs. At the end of the day we want to put ourselves in the best position, but we don't care about standings."

Just as the Rockets don't care about exposure. They were slotted for only 13 national TV dates when the season started and before the plug was pulled 1,500 miles away in favor of two teams (Miami and Detroit) in the bottom half of the East playoff picture.

Eight other teams had more prime-time engagements than Houston, including two -- Phoenix (25) and Dallas (21) -- at the bottom of the West playoff race. The Rockets are the ones in position to host a first-round playoff series.

And they could also fall to seventh by the end of the week. Houston's margin of error is as fragile as the conference is tight. That's why Barry said these games are more important for his new squad than his team of the previous four seasons.

Even as the Spurs lament the chances lost, they have been through this before and come out the other end with jewelry. Adelman alluded to San Antonio's experience, adding that his team isn't there yet.

"We are a good team and I feel that our best basketball is still yet to come," Rockets forward Shane Battier affirmed. "I would say it's surprising that we are in first place in the division at this point in the season. Few people thought we would be here."

And fewer people watched it happen.

By Art Garcia, NBA.com
Posted Mar 22 2009 9:48PM

Teen girls committed for trial for retired teacher's murder

2009-03-23T18:57:00.001+13:00

Two teenage girls have been committed to trial for the murder of retired Opotiki school teacher John Rowe last November.

At the end of the depositions hearing in Whakatane Youth Court this morning, lawyers for the pair, Craig Horsley and Gene Tomlinson conceded a prima facie case and entered not guilty pleas.

Community magistrate Robyn Paterson remanded the two accused in custody, who were granted name suppression, to appear for callover in the High Court at Rotorua on May 7.

Mrs Paterson also granted an application by crown prosecutor Duncan McWilliam for a blanket suppression order on today's proceedings until the High Court date.

The crown produced transcripts of the evidence of 43 witnesses and one person took the stand to give oral testimony.

More than a dozen exhibits were handed up.

100-year-old victim of attack dies

2009-03-23T18:55:00.001+13:00

A 100-year-old woman, who was a home invasion victim in November, has died in hospital in Palmerston North.

The woman turned 100 last month.

Last November, neighbours heard her screaming as she fought an attacker in her home.

The man charged with the attack, Glen Patrick Joseph Walsh, was committed to trial facing charges of sexual assault, assault and burglary.

He is on bail awaiting his next appearance on April 9, the Manawatu Standard reported.

Detective Sergeant Gary Milligan said at this stage no further charges had been laid.

A post mortem was being carried out today.

The woman's daughter said her mother had suffered "four months of hell" following the attack.

The family had been preparing her to go to a rest home before she died on Thursday night.

Government gagging NZAID?

2009-03-22T14:18:00.000+13:00

The Labour Party is accusing the Government of gagging the overseas aid agency NZAID.

Labour's Associate Foreign Affairs spokesman says NZAID has been ordered to back out of a Wellington conference on international development. Phil Twyford says it is part of a bigger plan to overturn the way NZAID operates. He says National wants to move its focus away from reducing poverty to focus on growing business in the Pacific.

Labour is also critical of the National government for not paying for the conference, which has been held at Victoria University this weekend. Labour says the British High Commission and other non-government agencies footed the bill for it.

Mr Twyford says it is bizarre the government's overseas aid agency NZAid was not allowed to either fund or co-host it. He says although several NZAid staff were present at the conference they had effectively been gagged and no-one heard a peep out of them all weekend.

Mooo this post mans absolutely nothing

2009-03-22T14:13:00.001+13:00

Four police officers are in critical condition and a suspect is dead after two shootings in an Oakland, California, neighborhood, Saturday afternoon, police confirmed.
Officers console each other outside the Oakland hospital where their colleagues are in critical condition.

Officers console each other outside the Oakland hospital where their colleagues are in critical condition.
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Police received a call around 1:15 p.m. reporting two officers down on MacArthur Boulevard, Oakland Police Chief Howard Jordan said.

A manhunt was under way for the shooter when an anonymous caller directed authorities to a building on an adjacent street where the gunman was believed to be barricaded, Jordan said.

The gunman opened fire, wounding two more officers before police returned fire, killing the suspect, Jordan said.

The four officers were taken to Highland Hospital, Officer Jeff Thomason said.

Police said they are investigating whether others were involved in the incident, but don't believe there is another shooter.

Aerial video from the scene off East 27th Street in Oakland showed crime-scene investigators blocking off a a portion of a street, and a sidewalk smeared with pools of blood.

Law enforcement swarmed store fronts and lawns near the shooting scenes.

It's almost December!

2007-11-26T08:37:00.000+13:00

Time flies, another X'mas is coming. It has been almost two years since I left my home country. I think it is time I share some of my experiences with you.

If you are my friend, I bet that you are sick and tired of hearing me complaining about Taiwanese, or really, Asians in general. While I still insist that I have my reasons, I shall remind you that this stereotyping does not apply to every Asian. Much like I disapprove Hitler's hatred for Jews apply to every single Jew; I believe that there are good in evil, and vice versa. Not all Asians are bad, there are still good seeds in this pile of rotten shit, though they stink.

Anyways, let's move on else this will be another flaming post, hehehedadadada...

Work is going well, nothing to complain about here except they don't like the idea of me working remotely from New Zealand.

Asian driving still drives me crazy, there are no road codes in this country (while there are no police around anyway, and more than often the pigs here do nothing). I still hear the argument every now and then saying "Hey, Taiwanese driving is not as bad as Chinese driving or... say, Thai driving". That is simply so sad, if those are the country they want to compare against Taiwan... well, I rest my case.

Oh, and I am driving a scooter now, just so I don't have to walk or bike when I am in a hurry. Though the Taiwanese government being so communist, don't like my New Zealand driving license, well, to hell with them, the US government likes it. As long as they allow me to drive in US, that's cool. So I've been playing cat mouse game with the pigs in Taiwan for a while, hahaha

It's good to be bad in Taiwan.

Bagwell going to bed, love ya'll

Fly fly into the sky

2007-11-05T16:53:00.000+13:00

I dunno what to write here. I just had about 1 litre of coffee so I am *a bit* high.

To whomever is reading this, I love you all!

The All Blacks Lost to France??? WTF?

2007-10-09T14:35:00.000+13:00

WTF? That's all I've gotta say about this! We lost to French fries in the rugby world cup?? Why you might ask? Well, here's the reason. Hail to whoever made this entry on Wikipedia.

Wayne Barnes
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Wayne Barnes is a cunt (born 20 April 1979) died in 2007 following the second shocking upheaval of the 2007 Rugby World Cup.

Lynched by a mob of people with 20/20 vision who actually read the fucking rulebook, his corpse was pelted with rugby PASSES, in a BACKWARD direction during the last stages of his life. Urination and defacement of the corpse then followed.He became a professional referee in April 2005, giving up a career in law to do so, because he couldn't read any fucking law books either!.^[1] Barnes is also the youngest referee ever appointed to the Panel of National Referees, having been given the position in 2001, aged just 21.^[2] He started playing rugby at age 8, and took up refereeing aged 15.^[1] He is currently a regular referee in the Guinness Premiership, and has refereed games in the Heineken Cup and the European Challenge Cup.

England payed him to made the All Blacks lose so that England would have a easier match against France in the semi final.

In 2006, Barnes made his Test debut as a referee, taking charge of three matches in the inaugural Pacific Five Nations and the Italy v France match in the 2006 Six Nations.^[2] Before that, he was famed for not noticing that forward passing is not a legal move in the game, yet he had refereed at the 2003 U19 World Cup in Paris, the 2005 U21 World Cup in Argentina and he was the English representative on the Sevens circuit from December 2003 to March 2005.^[2] In April 2007, it was announced that Barnes would be one of three English referees at the 2007 Rugby World Cup, the others being Chris White and Tony Spreadbury. Barnes was given control of four matches at the World Cup, those being South Africa v Tonga, Samoa v USA (both Pool A), New Zealand v Italy (Pool C) and Ireland v Georgia (Pool D). The final match NZ vs France Semifinal, which he royally screwed, before being lynched by a thousand angry Southern Hemisphere fans.

Get some fucking glasses

Angry Kiwis- Hayden, Richard, B-Rad, sheepyd

Is the primary reason the all blacks lost at the earliest stage of any cup they have attended. I wish nothing but pain on suffering on the man and question how the rugby union could let a ref with only 2 years experience over see a match. bad calls from a bad referee.

He suffers from a vision-related disease which results in him being unable to see forward passes.

References

^ ^a ^b Wayne Barnes Joins Elite Referees. RFU.com (2005-04-06). Retrieved on 2007-04-29.
^ ^a ^b ^c Premiership Referees. GuinnessPremiership.com. Retrieved on 2007-04-29.

He's a shit referee

He rapes little boys, and hes going to fucking die!

I will pay $1000 new zealand dollars to the person who finds him for me and keeps him under lock and key until i get there..... any takers?

and fuck wikipedia if they take this off he fuckin deserves it he cheated us out of the world cup

Fuck he is dead that old cunt that is blind fuck u 4 screwing us in the world cup homo im going to kill u and that is a promise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kill Him

I think a blind goat could do better then him, i never new that a ref could be so bad

wayne barnes join "elite referees"? fuck off!!!!!!!!

External links

www.Wayne-Barnes-Sucks.com

www.NZ-most-hated.com

What a Wanker. All of New Zealand hates him

Did you not learn the rule of forward pass you useless sack of shit. And where were the bloody touch judges you are also useless sacks of shits. WE WILL FIND YOU!

Wayne Barnes where guna fucken rip your head off you wanka.

Jesus Fawking Christ

2007-09-27T11:23:00.000+12:00

This is so shocking, I didn't realise that I've been in Taiwan for almost 120 days straight!

I didn't think this would happen but hey, life is full of surprises, right?

I've been working, working and working, which is not so bad considering that is keeps me out of trouble, hehehedadada~~

Anyways, I am sitting in the airport waiting for my plane to Hong Kong - have fun traveling you might say, but so just let you know, I am flying over to Hong Kong airport and come right back, I won't even be leaving Hong Kong airport.

Just a routine I gotta do so the communist Taiwan government does not force me to serve in their so-called pathetic "China is part of Taiwan" army.

*singing*
If I can have one wish in the world~~~ it's for the Asian drivers to be free
*singing*

Oh, I probably didn't tell most of you that I was hit by a fawking Asian taxi driver a coupon months ago - pissed, am I? Of course. Surprise, I am not. After all, when you are in a shit hole, sooner or later you're gonna get shit all over you.

Mooo~~~ I am hungry again, gonna get something to eat. Be good, mates!

I am still alive

2007-09-20T21:19:00.001+12:00

It's been a while since I last wrote something worthing reading.

Well, this is probably not going to be one neither since I am still struggling with this freaking chaotic problem at work.

But, to hell with it!

Bagwell

Die

2007-08-31T19:19:00.001+12:00

Die,

that's all I've got to say today

Graham in Taiwan

2007-05-15T23:27:00.000+12:00

Graham Taylor came to Taiwan for some conferences, poor Graham had some culture struggle in Taiwan.

I don't blame him lol even myself had a culture shock and still do :p

Going Home

2007-05-05T00:24:00.000+12:00

I am going home on 22nd of May till 1st June, it's been over a year since I left my homeland, I am looking forward to it.

Things to think about, to decide and to pursuit

2007-03-20T14:29:00.000+12:00

A lot things had happened in the last few days.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, and there are things I want to accomplish for once instead of just SSDD (same shit different day).

The One Thing I Think About the Most - It's Time to Let You Go

I need to let you go, I will see you again, but it won't be in this life time. As much as I miss you, I have to move on. Sweetheart, let me let you go. You have a special place in my heart, you used to, you do and you always will. No one will ever replace you, rest well and I will see you in my dreams.

A Decision - Mates

Graham Taylor is coming to Taipei in May. It's been a long while since I seen him, it'll be good to catch up. He's a great mate, the oddball type, aka my type. I was on the phone with Trudy yesterday, I decided to have a trip back home some time this year. This defies the oath I took of not returning home until at least 2008, but hearing her cry was too hard for me. She's one of my bestest mates ever. I really hate to see her sad like that.

Something to Pursuit

One last thing which I can not mention here since someone might be reading this, though I did split this out to someone while I was dazed by alcohol last Friday night.

This is something I told myself not to do, ever. I don't know, it's just getting harder and harder. Perhaps I will eventually do it or not, whatever happens happens. I realise that I am... weird to people here, I am trying to stay sane in an insane world, or maybe it's the other way around?

Violent Silence

2007-03-08T14:47:00.000+13:00

It's 9:30 am. A rainy morning in Taipei, it's about 15 degrees celcius outside, nice and cool.

I have been working in the office alone for about god knows how long. I like working this way, dark and listening to songs that resonate my spirit. I like looking out the window, 9 floors down, watching people and cars interact. That reminds me how small we are compare to the world, and how helpless we can be.

I have been meaning to do something but that conflicts with a promise I made. Holding it back has been painful but I know it is for the better part of everyone. I am having trouble sleeping again, three nights I have been sleeping for no more than 3 hours a day but I am not tired, although I know that at some point my body is going to give up.

Question is, will it be my body that gives up first or my mind, or perhaps both of them will collapse at the same time? I don't know, I guess I don't want to know, whatever happens, happens.

Chinese New Year

2007-02-27T17:35:00.000+13:00

Reminder to myself:
1. Never ever take China Airlines if I don't have to. Their service is horrible, food sux and they are China Airlines.

2. Avoid switching between 2 places with a temperature difference of 50 degrees celcius. I was happily in Minnesota cold -25 degrees celcius and then brought to Malaysia +33 degrees celcius - hell hot was an understatement to describe it!

Anyway, that was my thoughts from Chinese New Years.

Not so positive? but realistic.

Landing in Taiwan

2007-02-16T17:01:00.000+13:00

My Minnesota trip has come to an end. It was good while it lasted.

I am now in Taiwan once again and tomorrow, I will be meeting up with the rest of my family, my parents from NZ, my sister from Australia and my brother from southern Taiwan.

It'll be awesome, it's been over a year since we got together.

I am looking forward to it :)

Suns Ending 17 Winning Streak

2007-02-02T18:39:00.000+13:00

What a game! What a game!

On Monday, 29th January 2007. The Phoenix Suns arrived at Target Center Minneapolis with 17 game winning streak.

Little hope did the Timberwolves have, especially with Mike James passing like Marbury and shooting like Jason Kidd.

Steve Nash was so good, he was playing like a MVP. I really did not think we had any chance until the 4th quarter. Mike James was finally off the floor, Randy Foye was playing point. Randy is not great, nor good, but at least he knows to pass the ball to Kevin Garnett. Passing he did, and Garnett took over the 4th quarter.

44 points and 11 rebounds, Garnett pretty much single handedly set the Suns to rest.

Final score, 121-112. Some season ticket holders compared this game to victoryover the Bulls - while Michael Jordan was still playing.

What a game, what a night, I also went to Wed night's game VS Sacremento Kings, but that was nothing compare to this :P

One week left in Minneapolis, I am gonna make the most out of it :)
Bagwell

What and How - a common problem in project management

2007-01-29T00:37:00.000+13:00

Life has been frustrating lately.

I kept dreaming about New Zealand and my friends there. Just an hour ago I was dreaming about driving down Oteha Valley Rd. towards East Coast Rd. Northcross - a common route to get to my home off motorway.

Usually these dreams do not affect me much, but something happened that really upsets me, which I guess, in turn, made me think about the things I gave up for what I do now. I am trapped with someone who is very unorganised and excel in making the simplest task a big hairy mess. This brings me to what I want to talk about - what and how in management.

Introduction - A Common Problem

A common problem I frequently come across is that people would try to tell me how to complete a project instead of informing me what they want from a project.

the HOW - Definition and Consequences

Every engineer I know would understand the frustration of working with people who try to tell you how to do a task.

Here is an example of a manager uses how over what. There is a glass of wine on the table. Around the table sits an engineer and a manager. The manager wants to drink the wine, so he asks the engineer to hand him the glass of wine. The manager then drinks the wine.

A simple task, but can you see the true underlying issue here? Let us disect the situation.

- What is the goal in the story? What is it that the manager want to do?

* Drink the wine

- What did the manager ask the engineer to do?

* Hand him the glass of wine

Do you see the problem here? The manager told the engineer how to perform a task instead of telling the engineer what he/she wants. Why does this happen? Poor management.
Poor, idiotic, lack of brain, donkey dick sucking... ok, let me take a deep breath and keep my emotions out of this.

The manager should have told the engineer "I want to drink the wine" rather than "Hand me the glass of wine". That is a fundamental fault in the project management process, the manager should have told the engineer what the goal is, and let the engineer to deal with the how. The engineer could have just poured the wine down the throat of the manager - more direct, efficient (might not be so comfortable, but keep in mind, comfort was never part of the requirement) solution.

Another fundamental problem of using how is that can cause important information being lost in the translation. In our example the engineer was never informed that the manager wants to drink the wine. Often this action is only told in the last minute when the manager finally realises that the most important piece of information towards the completion of the project was never clearly converyed across board. Missing vital information can be catastrophic towards the completion of a project.
I wish I can tell this to the shitface who brought me so much pain.

This example might seem trivial, but it is surprising how often I come across people who do not just say what they want, instead, they tell me how they want it.

the WHAT - Importance of Specifications

Specifications of a project is the key to how a manager conveys what he/she wants.
I hope you are reading this, fuckhead!

Every project, big or small, even the simplest change of replacing a line of text, requires specifications. Specifications are exceedingly important. They tell people who work the precise goal - the what, a project should never proceed without specifications being finalised.

Specification should not be changed once the project starts.
Are you reading this? Shithead? Let me fucking explain to you why.

Changing specification after a project starts has many negative impacts:

1. Increases complexity of a project - the whole project will need to be re-evaluated, new team tasks and new resource allocation plan;

2. Increases cost - what might seem a minor change to specification could mean that the project needs to start all over again. This is a waste of resource and increases none necessarily cost to the company;

3. Product Quality - adds unnecessary pressure to the team, frustrates team members and will likely result in a mediocre product.
print these out and paste it on your laptop, motherfucker.

One of the problems I have with a project I am involved in is a classical example of poorly organised project. No specifications were given to me, nothing but a simple sentence which says nothing more than "please complete this project". Then 2 days prior to the handover, I was given additonal tasks to do and I have to work on a weekend to meet the deadline. What really upsets me is the project manager blamed me for not doing those additional tasks when I was not informed.
Fuckhead, I will have my revenge, in this life or the next.

Conclusion

In conclusion, with the correct use of what and how, a project can be done more efficiently, produce more revenue, make people involved more proud and satisfy the customers.

The use of how and what often indicates the quality of a project manager. Being a leader, the quality of a project manager has profound effect on the rest of the team and therefore should not be taken lightly.
Dickhead, you are a shitty project manager and should be hanged

I am now feeling slightly better and I'd better get ready to hit the office on a fucking Sunday morning. Peace out.

Bagwell Hsu
A Pissed Site Designer

Happy 26th Birthday, Lisa!! and.. 27

2007-01-11T19:23:00.000+13:00

First, to my dear little sister Lisa Wong...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LISA!

Oh... my... god, my lil sis is 26 years old!! She aint so little anymore :P she is doing well with her PhD study and happily engaged to Peter, the second best man in the world (who's the best? me of course I ^^ ). Gosh, 26 years old, which means I am now officially 27 years old. This feels weird!

Working has been up and down, most people are awesome and nice, but certain individual who should remian nameless, is pissing me off. Let's just say I wouldn't hesitate to feed it to fire ants and then dip it in a shark infested ocean.

Anyways, happy thoughts!!

I went to more NBA games :D I was there on Sunday with Steve Scotti, watching the Timberwolves went on an overtime win over the Houston Rockets.

Just 3 hours ago, I was in the game between the L.A. Clippers and the Minnesota Timberwolves. My friend and collegue - Troy Slag came to the game with me. Even though we lost the game by 1 point, but oh my gosh, we had such great seats - right in the middle court! Awesome, awesome view, how awesome? take a look for yourself:

Told you the view was awesome ;)

I believe that the dancer in the 2nd photo is my collegue Joe Perron's cousin, that's right! Her name is Cori, now since you are here, go vote for her to go to Vegas for the 2007 NBA All Star game! I am still waiting for her on-site appearance in Digital River :P

Anyways, it has been a fun night. I'd better get some sleep, still gotta work tomorrow :P

Good night, my friends.
Bagwell

Spurs VS Timberwolves

2007-01-07T08:13:00.000+13:00

Wednesday, 3rd of Jan. 2007, I went to my first ever NBA game in Target Center, Minneapolis :)

It was totally awesome! Waching Tim Duncan and Kevin Garnett going at each other, it's such an awesome opportunity. It's still a bit of a shame that the Minnesota Timberwolves did not get Allen Iverson, I was kinda hoping we could see A.I. and K.G. team up :p

Beginning of the final quarter, the wolves still led by 10 points. Approaching the end of the 4th quarter, the game got intense. Very intense! San Antonio Spurs caught up. With 16.1 seconds to go, it was a tie game!!!!!!!

Guess what? OVERTIME! That's right, how cool is that? The first ever NBA game I go to, I didnot only get to see Kevin Garnett VS Tim Duncan, but I also get to see a close game that went into overtime!

Wohoo! Minnesota won by 2 points!!! This is just amazing. I was honestly expecting the Spurs to kick our butts :p the result was a surprise, but a welcome one~ both Kevin Garnett and Tim Duncan played well. Garnett had 27 points, 17 rebounds and 7 assissts while Duncan had 24 points, 13 rebounds and 5 assissts.

So glad I am here during winter time! I am already planning to go to another NBA game ASAP :)

Reflections of Year 2006

2007-01-03T20:17:00.000+13:00

It was December 31 2006, the last day of what seemed to be a forsaken year of my life.

A lot of things had happened, some good, mostly bad. Well, I suppose it goes well with my theory that life is 99% of suffering and 1% of joy. This does not mean that I am a pessimist. In fact, I am overall grateful because of that mere 1% of joy.

Shit happens. Don't keep shit hanging around, wipe it off and remember the scent, it makes the rosey smell of happiness sweeter than midsummer night's dreams.

It was a snowy day. After a long wait finally we are seeing some decent snowing, it has been unusual this winter, people said. Global warming? perhaps. I've stopped worrying about it a long time ago.

Oh well, that's life. Like what people used to say "without disapointment, how would you appreciate victory?" Where should I start? good? or bad? let's talk about something good that happened in year 2006.

January - well, nothing good happened there lol other than my birthday, which was an enjoyable dinner out with my family and some close friends.

Februrary - I left NZ, a turning point of my year 2006. As stupid the reason was, well, everyone makes stupid mistake every now and then, but I am glad that it turned out mostly well, so I consider that a plus.

March - I had a wonderful time with my grandparents, visited some of my childhood friends.

June - I started working for Digital River and I had my first ever visit to the U.S.A., where I have met some amazing people. Just to name a few, Tarra, Kaoru, Chris and Ken.

September - I headed to Taiwan with my oversized body, damn I miss how I ate last time I was here, hahaha~ now that's a definite plus!

November - My first *remembered* trip to Japan, last time I was there, I was 3. I don't remember much of it, hahaha~ after Japan, I am back to US!!! Hell Yeah! I then went to my first NFL game! Vikings VS Jets. Special thanks to Adam, we met in Japan due to the company meeting, and he found out that I like American sports :D it's amazing how I kept meeting great people.

December - It's poor that heavy snow stopped me from going to Chris' new years eve party (Sorry, Tarra. Sorry, Jules). Though I had a great time drinking at Kaoru's close friend, Shannon's place. I ended up having my first hang over of year 2007 on the 1st of January. Poor! Although that's a fun plus nonetheless!

That is a brief summary of the good things of 2006. Let's skip the bad things, I will keep them to myself for now :)

Last but not least, I wish you all a great year 2007. Especially to my dear friends in New Zealand, I miss you all very much. Although I am unable to be with you, I'd like you to know that you are all constantly on my mind. Except after I had too many shots, now that is something I need to look out for, I wouldn't want to turn into an alcoholic :)

Hugs and kisses
Bagwell
P.S. Carol, kisses again, thanks for helping me scanning my reports :)

9 Crimes

2006-12-31T22:29:00.000+13:00

Conents of this post might offend some people

I heard this song on TV and I was instantaneously stunned. So being who I am, I listened to it, over and over again. After playing it none stop for the good part of the last 3 days, I decided it's time to share it with ya'll.

9 Crimes by Damien Rice

Show 9 Crimes lyric

My First White X'Mas

2006-12-28T17:46:00.000+13:00

It's a white X'Mas! Alright, this photo was actually taken a few days before X'Mas but you get the idea :D

From right to left: Kaoru, Benni, Brandt, Bagwell and Emily.

That day we had snow CHUNKS, I mean, big chunks almost the size of my fist! That was awesome :) boy, I need a hair cut bad lol

Although I have been spending most of my X'Mas weekend sick in bed, this is still an awesome white X'Mas to remember! Kaoru and I went to Tarra's place, we had a great time. Tarra gave me such a nice X'Mas presie! I've gotta take a shot and put it up here some time :D

Here's a little something to show ya'll. A photo of me and Ken, and this is what we do to his dog lol!

This photo was taken by Kaoru on the famous dog day - every first Thursday of a month is dog day, bring your dog to work!! As you might imgine, not much work is really done on that day lol

Anyways, I need some rest. My throat still hurts and itchy, be good, my dear friends :)
Bagwell

NFL! Yeah, baby

2006-12-18T17:17:00.000+13:00

I went to my first NFL game with Adam. BIG BIG thanks to Adam, he had an extra ticket and invited me over. I was like "woohoo!"

It was A-W-E-S-O-M-E!
<-- Adam and me :D

Oh bugger, the internet connection in my hotel is a joke. I promised my mother and my sister that I will have something up for them. I guess I will upload the rest of my photoz tomorrow ;-)

Alright, here goes more photos!

Let's get it on!!

This is a shot inside of Metrodome, my ear POOOPD in there, cuz they had to pressurise the dome to keep the canvas up!!

Bagwell in front of the Metrodome~

Even though the Vikings lost to Jets, it was still an overwhelming experience just being there :-)

December Spirit

2006-12-14T11:39:00.000+13:00

Note to myself: let me let you go.

Snow Snow~ it's snowing

2006-12-05T23:37:00.000+13:00

3rd of December 2006, first snowy morning I've ever witnessed!

It's beautiful! It's been a busy week, I've been working everyday since I landed- including both Saturday and Sunday! (Aly, that was why I could not be online during the weekend, but hopefully I'll be able to this coming weekend).

I have 7.5 days of holiday for the year, I either take it before 31st of December 2006 or I lose them, but by the look of things, I am not sure if I can use them lol

Well, whatever happens, happens :)

I miss you all very much, and I am hoping to catch up with you soon!

Love
Bagwell

Back in Minneapolis!!

2006-12-01T20:01:00.000+13:00

I am back!!!
I am so back!!

It's cold here, this morning it was 7 degrees F. Just so you all know, 32 degrees F is equivalent to 0 degrees C, so 7 is feezing lol!

But meh! I am here! I am wooohoodeedoomooo!!!

Let's sing a happy song!

World Of Colours

Open your eyes, what do you find
A world of colours of every kind
The sky is blue the trees are green
A rainbow brighter than you've ever seen

Butterflies of green and orange,
Blue and brown and red
Fluttering up in the sky up above our heads

Open your eyes, what do you find
A world of colours of every kind
The sun is golden the moon is white
Bright colours shining through the day and night

Shimmering streams of blue water
Fish of golden and green
Swimming fast under a bridge
Just below our feet

Butterflies of green and orange,
Blue and brown and red
Fluttering up in the sky up above our heads

The Great Compliment You've Ever Received

2006-11-22T20:45:00.000+13:00

What is the greatest compliment you've ever received?

I've never thought about it until last week when I was in Japan.

I have been labeled many things in my life. Some people call me a stupid lover, some people call me the Lord of Darkness (actually, I started this) or more recently, an emotional freak or a gook (by Aly).

but no one has ever called me what Kaoru did last week.

insane

Insane? Have I not done a good job disguising myself? I was curious, so I asked for an explanation. Kaoru responded without something I've never heard before.

"You are insane. I have never met nor even heard of someone like you. I first disliked you because you are so different, the way you behave is one of a kind! But after I got to know you. I found out that you're smart, kind and caring... but you are still insane"

I thought to myself... hmmm, I am not sure if that is really a compliment lol being an engineer, I went after more precise explanation.

"You act like nuts half of the time, and when you are not acting nuts, you are pissed off or depressed - there is never something in between! You talk to yourself while working, whispers 'XXXXXXX, I miss you so much', and you would randomly have a long whisper of DDDIIIIEEE..... plus you work to relax, play computer games to stress??? you are insane! but I think that is just like every genius in human history. Maybe you have imaginary friends, hear voices or have split personality but I don't care because you have a kind heart, and you're smart and you solve problems at work"

by then I was totally speechless so I gave Kaoru a hug. I asked myself - isn't this the greatest compliment I've ever received? call me insane but I do feel so, don't you?

Hello Tokyo

2006-11-16T08:24:00.000+13:00

Hello Kitty Jet!

This is how it started,a Hello Kitty Jet! This is my collegue Carol in the photo, do you see the PINK boarding card? Yes, it's a HELLO KITTY boarding card lol! We were like tourists taking photos of the plane and pretty much everything else with Hello Kitty printed on it, hahaha~

This is my 2nd time in Japan, last time I was here was about 25 years ago. I can't say that I remember very well what exactly happened, although my mother has been constantly reminding me that I owe her a trip to Japan - apparently I was like a luggage that cries the last time I was here :P

Hotel Hotel

I have always believed that hotel rooms are very important in a trip - after all, how do you get fully rejuvenated without a nice place to rest ;) ?

It was nearly 10 pm when we arrived in the hotel. I have to say, Japanese service is awesome. Anyway, when I entered the hotel room, I was like "I LOVE THIS TV!" lol just look at it, it's it's... awesome lol!

Night View

Before I settled down, I opened the window and I really enjoy the night view of Tokyo outside of my window :)

Anyways, I am tired, and it's... oh damn, 5 am lol! I'd better get some sleep, I'll need to be up and running in 3 hours!! I am so excited, Tokyo is so much SO MUCH cleaner than Taipei :D though the downside is that I don't speak Japanese, it is gonna be fun when it comes to going to the restaurants, but meh, whatever happens, happens :D

Good night, everyone!

lots of hugs and kisses

Bagwell

Need to get out of here

2006-11-03T02:49:00.000+13:00

Life really sux right now. Work is good but life in general is not.

I just can't wait to go to Japan/US.

I have become so emotionally unstable lately, probably due to lack of sleep or possibly more thoughts about thing I can not control.

People often say that we need to be in control of our lives, but sometimes, they do not understand that we can only control that much. To me, it's not about control, it's about adapting.

I put myself in this situation and it is getting really really really unbearable but I know I will ohld on, I need to.

Easier say than done such as most things in life.

Almost November

2006-10-27T06:51:00.000+13:00

It's gonna be a busy month.

1. Preparing lecture slides. I'll be teaching some cool fun stuff to my collegues :)

2. FLy fly to Tokyo! Drink Japanese wine with Kaoru and Mami Ashida.

3. Fly fly to Minneapolis! Enjoy my first snowy winter and FIRST WHITE X'MAS!

4. SLEEP! I need some sleep, I haven't been sleeping well... actually, when was the last time I actually slept well lol!

5. Sketch. I want to draw more, I need more than 24 hours a day!

Anywayz, 2:04 am, back to work! Lots to do with so little time.

Something Positive in this Dark Hour

2006-10-15T08:23:00.000+13:00

Looking back and moving forward, let me wrap up and answer some questions I never answered.

A Life Without My Grandpa
I thought the pain of losing my grandpa would incinerate my heart. It almost did.

I remember the first time losing someone I love dearly, I was only a kid. I cried, cried and cried until my eyes were all swollen and no more tears could come out. Some people say it all gets better as time goes on, that is a bunch of crap. Nothing ever gets better, we just learn how to deal with it. It's like giving a public speech; the more it happens to you, the less frightening it becomes the next time it happens. The same elements are still there but the only difference is us - we learn how to deal with it.

My life will never be the same again without my grandpa, but I know that my grandpa wouldn't want me to fill my life with remorse because he is gone. I will miss him, nothing is going to change that, but I will move on and strife for a better life not letting down my grandpa's expectation.

Going Home
I am getting really tired of torturing myself by being in Taiwan. If you know why I left New Zealand, then you'd mostly like agree that it was stupid but that was something I had to do at the time, and I will explain about it real shortly.

I told my manager Joyce my plan to head back New Zealand, she made a counter plan.

She said "Bagwell, do a 3-stage plan"
so I asked "How long is one stage?"
after moments of silence, Joyce replied with a smile "5 years each stage"

lol I really enjoy my work. It can be fun sometimes, but asking me to stay in Taiwan for 15 more years? it'd be easier if you just make me bungee jumping without a cord.

So my plan to go back home is still in motion :)

My dear friends, I owe you this explanation...
About Zee
It's kind of strange how Zee still comes in my mind. I wouldn't have said anything about it 2 months ago, but right now, I can tell you all (especially you, my dear sis Lisa Wong! :p ) that Zee no longer has any power over me.

I've liked a lot of girls, had my share of fun, but there were only two I've ever given my heart to. One will remain nameless, the other one was Zee. Perhaps it was because of the stories she told me about her past, even though some of them were untrue, some I never questioned, and some just reminded me of my own tales.

Will once told me "Bagwell, Zee was only holding you back. She did you a favor by breaking up with you"

Although I never admitted it back then, now I can tell you Will was right. Back then I made a committment, no matter how desperate the situation gets, I was willing to sacrafice my all to keep the relationship alive. I was never gonna hurt Zee to make myself happy, so I probably would never walk away from Zee if she didn't do what she did.

I used to think about how I could make Zee's life better and make her happy. Now, I think about Zee hoping she is finally happy and living the kind of life she truly wanted. I just hope that is not the kind of life I walked away from.

It's now 4:33 am
Sunday morning, 9:33 am Sunday in New Zealand. I still got the time on my computer set to NZ time, so I won't have to change it when I get back :)

To those who read my blog, thanks you. To my friends who do, I love you (no no no, step back, I don't wanna kiss you :p ), please don't forget about me. You know I never will :)

Lots of hugs and kisses
Bagwell... THE LORD OF DARKNESS! (notice I only spam this when I am in a positive mood?)

Mourning Day

2006-10-13T01:09:00.000+13:00

I wasn't planning to post this, but I really need someone to talk to. This is all I got to talk to now that I am in Taiwan.

My grandpa passed away last Friday morning 6th of Oct, 2006.

He's been fighting cancer for a while, even though it was not unexpected, it is still something that is hard for me or anyone in my family to accept.

Memories of my grandpa dates back for as long as I can remember. He used to take me to school, celebrate my birthdays and he was always there, for the good times and the bad times.

Whole day today, I've been thinking about the things I left behind. My home country, my friends and my life. How long must this carry on before I can return to the ones I love? even though I try not to talk anything sad but that is all I feel right now. I can not fake it anymore.

I can not go back

This is something I do not expect any of you to comprehend.

My Immortal Beloved

2006-10-04T11:42:00.000+13:00

it's all part of life

Down Down Down Up Up Up

2006-09-27T12:10:00.000+12:00

Nothing much has happened really, I've been busy working.

A lot things are not going well but on the bright side there is no way but up, right? I had a great chat with with my friend akamizdr3am, she certainly cheered me up a lot, thanks!! *hugs*

It's 8:08 am, I slept for about 2 hours in the office and I am ready for another day of work ;-)

I hope ya'll doing well (expecailly you with exams, Graham :p)

Miss you like a flower misses the winter sun; the thought of you keeps me going in this blistering winter storm.
Bagwell

Edit:

Thank you, Hui-Min! :)

Homesick

2006-09-12T21:11:00.000+12:00

My sister came visit me yesterday. She flew to Greece this morning for her last hospitalship, and then she is off to Gold Coast Australia next January to work full time.

She was saying how we all went separate ways. My parents are living in New Zealand, my brother is working full time down south of Taiwan and now she is off to Australia for no one knows how long. As for me, I am working in Taiwan but everyone knows I don't wanna stay here if I don't have to. My skin is REALLY sensitive, I don't dislike sunlight for no reason, and it is allergic to Taiwan's big city environment. I haven't been sleeping well since I got here, itch skin, everyone is asking me to see a doctor, then I remind them that there are 4 doctors in my family and I have dealt with this condition all my life. My dislike for Taiwan as a place is just icing on the cake.

It kinda makes me think about a lot of things. Namely my home country - New Zealand. I did not want to leave, all of my friends knew, so did I. However I had to, again, you know my reason. Although I am glad that I am all over that now, I still think about it, but there is nothing I can do about it.

Life goes on.

There are a lot of family issues going on right now, of which none I can talk about. That's life, I deal with it. Sometimes people ask my career goal and I would say, retire and die old, they would usually laugh not knowing I am serious.

My friend Jason from NZ just asked me how is work? I say, work is fine, it'd be perfect if I am based in NZ lol and then he asked "and the women in TW?" well, I bet y'all know my answer to that, hahaha~~

Anywayz, I love you all & I hope you're all well
Your friend
Bagwell

My Last Day in Minneapolis

2006-09-01T16:01:00.000+12:00

Today was my last day in Minneapolis. I have been here since 6th of June, 2006. I had a great time working here, but just like the old saying, all good times eventually come to an end. I am heading to Taipei in approximately 9 hours.

I had a good time here, and I will always remember this trip. I am looking forward to come back some time. I got some of my lovely teammates' permissions to share the photos, mainly well, just to show how crazy we are.

Ken and Bagwell looking bad! I mean BAD! This is Ken, my supervisor. He is not just crazy, he is ultra crazy! He is the one who keeps me and the other people under control by being crazier than we are so we don't blow the place up with laughter. Ken is a great friend and I have learned much from him. Oh Yeah, Ken, if you read this, you still owe me some beer from the week we planned to go to a bar but we never did! (James, if you read this, make sure Ken gets it :D)

Brandon Carlson and Bagwell embracing the world with a smile and absolute power! We are perhaps the craziest ones on the team, we constantly try to break things. Our favourite working method is destroy and erase, oh, I mean trial and error.

This is Tim. .... .... .... .... what? oh, you expect me to say more about Tim? Tim refuses to join our *make a stupid gesture group photo session* I suppose he doesn't want his wife to come across my blog by accident. Tim is our daily newsman, he knows almost EVERY fun and crazy toys out there on the net. Want the latest fun stuff online? Tim's your man.

Chris the man! What can I say? He's my mentor in Digital River, he's a great person and a greater friend. I hope you can drop by New Zealand some time, I'll show you around K road after midnight.

Kaoru and Steve They are definitely not crazy nor mad, in fact, they are probably the only 2 sane people on the team. They act like the counter measure that offsets the craziness from the rest of us. Kaoru is a great designer who specialises in making things pretty while Steve sings ~I'm so pretty~ hmmm... maybe they are not that sane after all.

Catherine the young girl. This is Cat, probably the only person younger than me, god, I'm getting so old! She speaks perfect German, I mean, perfect! She taught me how to say "Death is only a change of state" in German but I just cant get that eerrrrggggggggg sound right... sigh, need more practice.

Anisha and Matthew they are just crazy like most of us, I guess that is why we get along just fine. It's insane how much weight Matt lifts, I witnessed him breaking a bench in the weight room. That big bang noise gave me a shock. I was like "Matt, that wasn't your back breaking, was it?" lol thank god it was just a bench.

Graduation Dinner!

Jon took us out to dinner. American steak was great but a conversation I had with Rica was priceless. I know she probably will never come across my blog but I can not thank her enough for what she told me.

She told me the story of her life (Sam, sorry to exclude you from that conversation in the restaurant, I'm sure Rica will tell you what we talked about later :p). It made me opened my mind and realised what I am doing will not be in vain. Even though it was the first time I met her, I felt like she's my long lost big sister I never had. That conversation made me want to become a stronger and better person. It was strange, nothing she told me was something I did not already know, but knowing someone who can understand why I am doing what I am doing choosing to be away from home. That, comforts my soul.

That conversation with Rica, was something I did not expect and certainly, sometimes the most wonderful advice comes from the most surprising place.

Thank you, Rica. Thank you.

Before I go to sleep, just a little something to thank you all.

It's been great, it's been fun.
There are more people I'd like to say thank you to.
So many people to thank so little time.
I will just bear a grateful heart.
For you whom will forever remain in my heart.

Good night, everyone~ Hmmm... I wonder who I'll see in my dreams tonight :) ?

24th of August, Launch of SYMANLAM!

2006-08-27T16:15:00.000+12:00

On Thursday, 24th of August, we launched our first migrated site for Symantec. The Latin American store.

A milestone, but there are still more than 7 sites to launch including my Asia Pacific sites. However, my time in US is coming up short.

I am going to Taiwan next Friday, 1st of September. By the look of things, I will return to US in a month or two to continue migrating more sites.

Friday. I am home sick, very badly, but I can't go back yet. I was browing google map at work (working very hard you see) and I could actually see my home in NZ, Ken Reilly, my boss/friend who sort of knew why I left NZ... the question which almost everyone asked, a lot of people (especially the dumb ones) think it's all about the money.

Ken was like "you're looking sad, let's try this game on my PSP to cheer you up" :) It was good for 30 minutes then I needed to get some work done. It was only 2 days after we deploy the new site and people are already sending me tickets to make some changes, jeez.

I shaved my head couple days ago cuz I was tired of flipping my hair looking sexy. My hair was getting so long it was constantly covering my sight, sexy as it was to some chicks who love my accent, it was bloody annoying. I kinda gave everyone a shock, some of the common statements are

"did you lose a bet, Bagwell?" -Jon Ebert, Director of APAC Operation (My boss, I am under his *head count*)

"are you trying to look like me?" Tim McCouley, company director (he's in charge of 2/3 of the company)

"you did it? I didn't think you would really do it!" Kaoru Sekine, my coworker from Japan

"hey, a new look for Bagwell, did your girlfriend make you do it?"

"nice, man! Ran out of shampoo?"

Anyway, I am going for a little run, I am losing too much heat from my head & am getting cold. I am not happy, my family is not happy but she is happy that I am gone, so that is OK.

A Never Ending Story

2006-08-16T01:25:00.000+12:00

Dear Trudy,

Thank you for your email.

Don't be sad for me. You know more about my past than most people do and what made me the way I am today, so don't cry. You asked me to have faith and be strong. Thoughtout my life, I have learned that faith to God is foolish to sustain. God will not help you, nor me, nor anyone else. I believe in myself instead wasting time depending on something made up.

I don't hate believers, but don't try to convert me. I made peace with what I am a long time ago.

You said the other day that I should come home, but among all people, you should know why I left and why I can not go back. Yes, you said love comes & goes and I agree. I hope you now know there is more to it than what it appeared to be. Please don't, not anymore, mention the one I love in the email, we both know that she's gone and where she's heading. You know it, you've been there.

I always knew the right paths in life, but I seldom took it. Why? Because they are too damn hard, and this time, I am determined to take the hard rightous road. I knew I'd be alone here, but I also knew this is a necessary step for me to reach the next stage of life.

Happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet. We're all part of a never ending story, we are all part of a tale. We're all on this journey and no one is to stay.

Take care of yourself & the kids
Love you heaps

Your mate forever!
Bags

Goodbye to Tarra and Bridget

2006-08-13T04:35:00.000+12:00

It's been a while since I felt like posting something. I have had nothing to say to anyone. There has been nothing but darkness around me, perhaps you shall all realise, wherever I go, darkness follows.

Work in Digital River
It's been good. Then again, I've never had problem working in this mad world. It is easy enough to make other people think that I am a nice person.

I said goodbye to Tarra and Bridget yesterday. Summer is over, so are their intermships. It's been fun working with them, I wish them the very best and may the paths of our lives come across again some day.

Tarra, you need to know this. Something I have not told you. I do not worthship darkness. I am not a creature of darkness, this is a public blog, I'll leave the rest of the puzzle for you to put together. I think it's only fair to let you and Penn know after the kindness you've given me.

Human Life

One grief after another, I am getting so very tired of all the sorrrow and pain that's placed upon us.

I am still trying to find someone to share all my secrets with, the burdon has become more than I could bear. Although I know this will never happen, some things are meant to be forgotten, but I just can't. I watched the movie "the descent" with Kaoru and Tara the other night. While Tara seems to enjoy the movie, Kaoru was scared, I couldn't feel anything.

No fear
No anger
No love
No hate
No desire
Nothing

I sit through the movie in plain old empty darknessin my heart... and I like it. It's so peaceful, no God to corrupt my children, nor propaganda of phony holyness. Just an empty void. Like I was frozen in time, I was no longer an entity, I became time. I could reach the unreachable side of my humanity. I once yearn for blood, vengence and hatred. It was an endless war, and I now realised that all I seek, is freedom with a peaceful mind in this mad world...

without feelings.

One can not be hurt if one can not feel. Although I know that this is only a dream that will never come true.

don't cry for me, ok? I love you

2006-07-23T19:35:00.000+12:00

I haven't been sleeping well, nightmares haunt me every night. For the past week I have been dropping dead like a corpse in a coffin at around 11pm... only to be awaken by memories of something I thought I had forgotten at roughly around mid night. Then I would stay awake, stare into the darkness of my room. Curtains shut, lights off, the only thing I could make out is the light from the hotel eletrical clock flashing. A cruel reminder that time unmercifully goes by as the rest of world carry on.

My mind twists as all my thoughts merge into one. Like a rolling snowball, getting bigger, faster as it travels down the hill. It felt like there was no end, the more I wish it to end, the harder it is to bear.

For what seems like eternity, I would glance the brick of dawn through the gaps of my curtain, telling me that another day has come.

Tonight, I turned down yet another invitation. I don't feel like partying nor going to bars anymore. I did when I was young, I tried it again when I arrived here.

Not anymore.

Everyone belongs to a place, somewhere, a place where our hearts would fear no more, where despair is merely a tale. I thought I found my place, not only once but twice, then I lost it both times. Perhaps I need to come to realise that there is only one place I belong, here in the darkness all alone.

First Sleepless Night in Minneapolis...

2006-07-10T05:58:00.000+12:00

I had a GREAT time yesterday. I was hanging out with my friends Aly, Cliff, Krissy and many others on WC3 and chat. Also I got to knowa bit more about Will's friend Cindy.

Apparently Cindy told me that Will wouldn't tell her anything about me lol how odd. Anyway, so we talked, she showed me her art, damn she is a fantastic digital artist, check them out.

Anyway, the reason I couldn't sleep though, I am gonna slap myself for this. Cindy asked me about my ex, so we talked, we talked, we talked...

Edit: Monday 10th of July, 3:47 am
I still can't sleep, and I need to be in a meeting in less than 5 hours.

I kept thinking about the conversation I had with Cindy. Cindy, if you happen to read this, here's a song about my past. It might explain why Cliff said "Bagwell, you can live like Will you know" but why I don't. She was the reason I became who I become. This is not about my ex unicycle girl Zee, it's about someone very few if anyone at all knows about. Only way for me to see her again is... well, no way I guess... like I said, some things are better left buried in the dust of past:

Bittersweet

If I tell you
Will you listen?
Will you stay?
Will you be here forever?
Never go away?

Never thought things would change
Hold me tight
Please don't say again
That you have to go

A bitter thought
I had it all
But I just let it go
Oh, this silence
It's so violent
Since your`re gone

All my thoughts are with you forever
Until the day we'll be back together
I will be waiting for you

If I had told you
You would have listened
You had stayed
You would be here forever
Never went away
It would never have been the same
All our time
Would have been in vain
Cause you had to go

The sweetest thought
I had it all
Cause I did let you go
All our moments
Keep me warm
When you're gone

All my thoughts are with you forever
Until the day we'll be back together
I will be waiting for you

4th of July weekend, 2006

2006-07-04T20:58:00.000+12:00

4th of July, possiblely the most important summer holiday in the US. I am just happy to tag along :) This year's 4th of July is on Tuesday, and our lovely company decides to make Monday a holiday as well, I mean, why not? Let's make a split Sat, Sun, Tues holiday a straight 4-day long weekend :)

I spent Saturday with Stephanie, Theresa and her husband Lon. Here's a shot of me backlighting in dark by Stephanie in Mall of America, behind me is the amusement park in the middle of the mall, why do I look a bit tired? cuz I was carrying a backpack weigh about 15 Kg, why? cuz I can. Wait on, who are Stephanie and Theresa? Ok, let's roll back a little bit lol

Theresa. I met Theresa this week, she was the person who organised the zoo trip for kids (which I happen to tag along lol). Her job title is, hmmm, something like "Company Activity Organising Manager", if you see this photo, she's the lady at right hand side of the front table who's smiling holding a bottle of water.

Staphanie, my co-worker from Taiwan. She works in the sales department, and she was here for 3 days. Being a kind of nice man I am, I became her designated driver.

Okie, back to Saturday. It turned out that Theresa is one of the three people Staphanie was here to meet, and Theresa offered to show Staphanie around on Saturday. Well, now it'd be rude to exclude me, right? So I tagged along :)

Theresa's hubsband Lon drove us all over Minneapolis. Long story short, I was freaking exhausted by the end of the day. I pretty much crashed when I got back to my room, right at about midnight *looking innocent*

The next day, Sunday, after dropping Staphanie at the airport. I drove to Chris' place for BBQ. I brought enough meat to feed a family of Asians, hmmm, you get the idea. To my surprise, Whitney came over while Chris and I were cooking, a surprise, but a pleasant one. Her arrival led to another long night, we spent hours watching the "Penn & Teller: BULLSHIT" DvD set, if you've never heard of it? Well, you suck, period. J/K :p it's very very offensive, definitely not for kids under 25 years old, it contains foul language (duh, read the title of the programme), nudity, sex scenes, violence, pain, lies, jealousy, conspiracy and Christians, you get the idea. I highly recommend it to anyone who's capable of thinking for themselves, but if you are narrow minded or deeply believe that so-called God is the answer to everything, stay away from it for your own good, it's too late for you to be open minded.

And this led to that, that led to another this and blah blah blah, I am back in my hotel room at 1:00 am Tuesday morning celebrating 4th of July. I need some rest, my whole body is aching due to exhaustion.

Good night, ladies! oh and you cool guys ;)
Bagwell

P.S. my "I like your accent counter" is up to 3 now. while I took Staphanie to shop in Mall of America, a girl came up to us asking if we needed help in Victoria's Secret uniform (damn I like that uniform), about 20-ish, blonde silky hair resting on her shoulder and godsh, I love her ocean blue eyes. Well, she's cute, I am sexy, so we just chatted which Stephanie was shopping for whatever-I-don't-care. She asked me where I was from. I said that I am from New Zealand. She said "Ah, I see, I love your accent. I was curious cuz it sounds British but not so -hard-" That was the 3rd time a random female in US said that to me, and Kaoru, my collegue from Japan, she is already jealoused cuz so far no one has said that he/she loves her accent. Well, I did tell Kaoru that I like her accent, but that was an after thought just to make her happy. Poor Kaoru.

The Zoo Day! 29th June 2006

2006-06-30T10:46:00.000+12:00

It was Zoo day for kids in Digital River. Our organiser Theresa asked if I would help out looking after the kids, hmmm, let me think, spend a day at zoo or sit at my desk for 8 hours? tough choice!

So there I was, along with Andri, Jeff, Theresa and Cecilia (I think that is her name), looking after 35 kids to the Minnesota zoo!! The photo you see here is a tent with the sign "Reserved for Digital River" lol

Apparently we sponsor the dolphin show int he zoo so they are treating us well :P

Here are the kids,and yes, I was wearing one of those shining green shirt too :P and no, you are not gonna see a photo of me in that shirt.

Anyway, I am tired. It's a 4-day weekend coming up thanks to 4th of July!

Go go long weekend!
P.S. thanks, Eddie, for going to my place fixing the net connection for my parents.

Cars and Sushi Party

2006-06-26T22:45:00.000+12:00

*yawns* it's 5:45 am and I am already up! I had such an interesting weekend, through the entire weekend I have only been back to my hotel room for less than 10 hours lol nasty

Hui-Min, got your addressy, watch out for something interesting in the mailbox :)

Aly, I actually tried to play WC3 but due to the stupid new patch 1.20e, I am waiting for a new *cough* no cd patch to come out.

I crashed at Tarra's place on Friday night. It was bad, Tarra and her roommate Penny somehow talked me into trying Runescape, bad bad bad, now I really need more than 24 hours a day. Then on Saturday I went to watch the movie cars with their family. I have to admit, the movie was surprisingly good.

Saturday night.

Chris' sushi party. The party was good after the kids left. Naturally, I could not return to my hotel since I was in no condition to drive... a car.

I met a lot of interesting people. Namely... oh dear, what are their names? She had her masters in some marketing degree and is persuing her PhD, and her husband gave me a map to a place that produces excellent wine (gotta try it some time!). Anyway, it was a good party! Too bad Tarra had to leave early with her kids and her roommate Penny couldn't make it :(

Anyway, that was the best weekend I've had in Minneapolis. Chris is thinking about a BBQ party some time in July, you can bet that I'll be there :)

The Symantec Migration Team!!

2006-06-22T11:20:00.000+12:00

My dear friends,

I have been assigned to the Symantec migration team, it is an internal project our company is doing and my department manager James asked me yesterday if I would be interested in joining them and help out.

Well, being a new guy in the company, I am still obedient so I said yes. Then he asked me "The next question is, how long can you stay here?"

I joked saying "Well, till my visa expires and they (US government) kicks me out of the country"

James then said "that'd be great, when is that? say end of August?"

LOL!!!

I am all happy now. MN is a lot like NZ, green, it's like home!! If you can be here, it'd have been even better :'( I am gonna be here till the end of August, while the company pays for my living cost! No complains :)

I am heading back to my hotel now, it's 6:22pm and I am tired :P I miss you! I am still looking for the postal office and trying to get the post cards out! I went the Mall of America last weekend (it's huge, I LOVE IT, it has 2 Victoria's Secret shops in the mall! WTF, wait, what did you make me type, Tarra?) , BBQ party with Tarra, Chris, Kaoru, Kyle and Penny. This weekend I am heading to Chris' house for his sushi party :) I might catch Lisa in August :P, and Aly, fly up!! I can pick you up from the airport. I'd better stop, I think I had too many cans of Mountain Drew (yes, Geoff, you are reading ti right!)

Till then, drop me a line, love you all!!!

Bagwell, working all day, drinking whole night and see you in my dreams all the time!

My Crip in Minneapolis

2006-06-15T01:04:00.000+12:00

Hey Gina and Lisa, it's good to hear from you. Before I begin... Gina, how the hell did you get the URL to my blog? I kept this a secret from the family! meh, anyway,you found it.

I survived my first weekend here in Minneapolis. What did I do? I went into the office to use the internet... for 2 days lol!! but this coming weekend will be different, Tarra from work has invited me to join her family for BBQ this weekend, I am so looking forward to it! If you are reading this, Tarra, is there anything I can bring to help the occasion :) ?

All & all, here are some photos of my hotel room.I got alittle kitchen, bath room (you'd hope so) and a really nice size bed!
and a TV and some usual stuff (too lazy to list them all and I am sure you aren't interested).

I got nice view out of the window, there is a little pond and it is very GREEN!!!! MN,feels like home (NZ, not god damn Taiwan). Overall it is pretty nice,I am enjoying it while I am here. I've tried several restaurants here, ranging from Italian, Chinese, Mexican to some weird taste food. And of course, PIZZA AND BUGER.I had a whole large pizza all by myself the other night, I loved it! I plan to eat pizza again soon, hehehedadada.

The best part of the hotel is the frig. Oh god, what am I gonna do without the frig? What have I got in the frig? Take a guess lol

Chocolate, juice, about 3 dozen cans of coke and beer lol!! Yeah, I am bad I know. I eat so unhealthy, Kaoru from Japan came in on Sunday. She was in plain shock to see my groceries lol

I am not gonna show you what I got in the cabinet, so ya'll don't die of shock. Lisa, I am not sure if I'll be in US later this year, but if I do and you arent too far away :P I'll be sure to catch up with you!

Alright, I need to take a BATH (yes, I waste a lot of water) before I go to work!I love you all! Take care and drop me a line some time

Bagwell

First Day in Minneapolis

2006-06-08T19:53:00.000+12:00

I landed in St Paul Airport Minneapolis at 6:30 am on 7th of June. I had 13 hours of flight from Taipei to LA, then 3.5 hours from LA to Minneapolis.

I was tired like a whore who had a rought night.

I headed to the hotel, had a quick shower and was in the office by 9:00 am!! Then I joined the site design team meeting at 10:00 am to meet the big family. Then we had company BBQ for lunch with a bunch of companies trying to bribe us with freebies.

this that moo and meow, I am sure you don't wanna hear my boring working day :D

Anyway, then I had dinner with Joyce, Kristine and Amy, god the American meals are HUGE, no wonder so many of them are oversized! Anyway, I got back to my hotel at about 9 pm then went to bed.

It's 3:07 am, I had slept for about 6 hours.

Oh, one more exciting thing. I was dirving today too lol! Yay, first time, first day in US, I went to work, went grocery shopping had oversized dinner and drove, who's the man? :p

Oh, Aly, I tried to ring you but no one picked up the phone! I hope you read this~

Moo moo miss you, my dear friends in New Zealand, you may have forgotten me but I still treasure our friendships very dearly :) I will get some post cards out once I get used to Minneapolis

Bagwell out

My First Day at Digital River

2006-06-03T02:19:00.000+12:00

My Dear Friends,

I survived my first day at Digital River, I meant to start working yesterday but my latop did not arrive till this afternoon, so I was given a paid day off yesterday (Yeah, baby, first day at work is a holiday).

Anyway, I went in today and got my toys!!

Cellphone - Sony Ericsson K600i, a 3G phone, baby! Let me know if you wanna have a video conference with me on cellphone :)

Laptop - Dell Latitude D620, I know, it's a Dell, but no complains,it's got almost all optional upgrades. Intel® Core™ Duo T2600 (2.16GHz) 667Mhz Dual Core, 1 GB memory, 80GB HD, Dell Wireless® 350 Bluetooth Module and blah blah blah

Business cards - of course, business cards with my sexy name printed on it. Don't try to email me at bhsu@digitalriver.com yet, it's a dummy email address which hasn't been activated lol

That's pretty much it, it was all good. The ladies gave me a nice welcome and took me out for lunch, I think we are gonna get along just fine. Oh, of course, I got my air plane tickets to Minneapolis today. It's gonna take me 11.5 hours to LA, and another 3.5 hours to Minneapolis. I am loving it... not. I'll be staying in US till 30th of June, no complains, the company is paying for the accomodation, transportation and yummm food (duh). Hopefully I can get used to driving in US, a whole month there would be rather dull without transportation.

I miss you all very much, I hope all is well and write to me some time~~

Love you
Bagwell, the Lord of Darkness - trapped in Taiwan, soon in USA... then in Taiwan again, then US (trapped in an infinite loop)

First Day.... soon

2006-06-01T04:00:00.000+12:00

My first day at Digital River tomorrow.

Wanna know the really exciting part? here it goes - I don't have to be at work tomorrow lolz

My laptop won't arrive till Friday and Joyce (me boss lol) is in Singapore, so I will probably just drop by, have a look around and meet the ladies namely Winnie and Pearl. So far I've met Joyce (the big big boss in Taiwan)

I saw Winnie when I went for my interview, knowing the friednly Bagwell, I said hi (really loudly), but I don't remember what she looks like lolz Gosh, I dunno, Asians, they, we all look the same, wait, that's a lie, I'm way sexier, anyway, let's move on.

I haven't met Pearl, but she sounds reallt friendly and funny in her email, so she has moved up a knodege in my book. Plus she has the same last name as me "Hsu", yes, "HHHHH---suuuu" (tissues, anyone?)

I've also met someone,what's his name? Jeff or Geoff I think. He seems pretty cool, but being an Asian guy he'd have to work his way up my list.

Anyway, I will write more when I return tomorrow and let ya'll know how my first day at DR (Digital River) go.

Good night! I'll see you in my dreams, my deareast friends, well, some of you anyway lol
Bagwell

3 More Days to Go!

2006-05-29T04:17:00.000+12:00

My dearest friends,

All is well, eat well, work well, I'm Bagwell. I am heading to Taipei in the next couple of days.

All is well, but I cried a bit more today... I saw a photo of Long bay and it reminds me how much I miss New Zealand. I heard that Trudy's computer is playing up again... I hope it'll settle down a bit now that I am not there to help her :(

I finally came around to draw a portrait for Samatha. Sorry, Sammy, it took me so long :P

I miss my lil sis Lisa, I haven't seen her on MSN for a while. I know she is all good cuz Peter is always gonna be there for her :)

Right now I feel like jumping on a plane without knowing its destination. Why? I dunno, I guess I just wanna get away from everything. Meh, some dreams never come true

Alyssa, I am really sorry that I have been really short tempered online lately. Sorry I screwed up the game today, I have been, sigh... I am gonna regret this (plz don't say a word, Lisa), but hell if she's feeding upon my pain, then so be it. The pain of being here in Taiwan is more than I had anticipated and it is not exactly working the way I hoped. I was hoping that by being here, I'd shift my attention to the hatred of being here and forget about my emotional issues, but no, the more time I spend here, the more I think about the good times and miss the good times in New Zealand. Almost everything disgusts me here in Taiwan, when I walk on the street I see monkeys, I breathe in poison and I see nothing but ruins. Anyway, all I am trying to say is I am sorry, and you are very dear to me, I need you to know that the way I have been reacting wasn't towards you.

I kept thinking of the question people ask from time to time If I could turn back time, when would I want to be and why?

I know my answers, but I also know that is a wish I will not allow myself to wish for. Not this life time anyway.

*sings* Time is on my side *sings*
Love you with all my heart ... well, except that part reserved for someone :P
Bagwell

Viva New Zealand

2006-05-25T16:31:00.000+12:00

Dear All,

How are you doing?

I am doing okay here in Taiwan. The weather is killing me, I can't wait to board my plane to US, hopefully it'd be cooler over there.

I found out last night that I do not need US visa to go to US. Thanks to my New Zealand passport, I get 90 day free visa upon landing! Saves me the trip to interview the Americans and about NZD 300 fees of applying for visa (well, saves the company that money lol)

Nothing esle is really happening here, don't forget to drop me a line to let me know how ya'll are doing :)

Miss you heaps

Your true friend
Bagwell, the Lord of Darkness

To My Dear Friends

2006-05-22T07:24:00.000+12:00

Everything is going just fine here except the fact that I really really don't want to be here. A bit too late for that now though. I have calmed down a little bit here in Taiwan. It's 3:30 am here and once again, I am up and on the net - now you shouldn't be surprised if you know me well :P

It is now very hot in Taiwan, like above 30 degrees celcius hot. I do two cold showers a day and I am constantly walking around without my shirt on - now don't get any funny ideas, ladies.

I went for a little exercise yesterday - mountain climbing. No, not walking, I was climbing vertically with rope. It was so much fun! But my arms hurt like hell, cuz I thought I was man enough to do it without proper shoes, so I ended up hanging on the rope half of the time. Safety gear? Hell no, where's the fun in that? I don't mind falling a few meters, or 10's of meters, or whatever down if that does happen. It's only pain and if I die, who cares? I certainly don't.

I officially start working on 1st of June and those meanies in US want me there on 2nd of June, but the big boss here said that she would like to keep me around in Taiwan for a couple of days first (she wants me, I knew it lol). So anyway, it looks like I will be flying on 3rd of June and will be spending most of my June in Mineapolis - I heard that they got the biggest shopping mall in town, and now that is cool! I don't like shopping alone though, does anyone feel like tagging along?

Oh, and this is cool. The company apparently is going to give me a new cellphone AND on top of that they are gonna pay for the bill! Although in the contract it does say something along the line that the company reserves the right to charge me for any "unreasonable" usage. I guess I won't be ringing NZ with that cellphone... often *looking innocent*

Anyway, I'd better get some rest. I am heading to Taichung to visit my grandfather tomorrow. Let him know that I'm still alive. I miss you all very much and I hope everything is going just fine without me causing troubles in your lives :P

Love
Baggy Bags Bugger a Bag of Bugs

I am a fool

2006-05-16T22:44:00.000+12:00

I am sorry, my friends. You know the real reason why I decided to accept the job offer from DR to work at their Taiwan branch.

It's not about the job, nor wanting to be in Taiwan (I certainly don't, there is no secret about it) and it certainly is not about the money.

It's about a person, how silly am I?

I caught up with Graham T., Garlic, Trudy, Graham Lees, Geoff B. and most of my friends in the last couple of days. It is unfortunate that I did not get to see Victoria for the last time, I am really gonna miss her.

By this time tomorrow, I'd be in Taiwan... not sure for how long, please do not put me down anymore. I know that the reason I am leaving is foolish, but sometimes a man needs to take the path he least desires in order to move on.

Like the song Storm by Lifehouse... how long have I been in this storm? so overwhemed by the ocean's shapeless form... we can not always do what we desire, but I want to love, love you all who are dear to my heart. This is not goodbye, this is merely the beginning of my lonely journey of recovery. I am not leaving you all due to that person who shattered my faith in love. I am just going on a journey in search of the part of me that was taken and threw away by her. I have to be alone on this one, no matter how much pain it presents me. I will face it, I need to face it and I shall return a stronger soul. I hope you understand.

Last Day at Woolworths Browns Bay

2006-05-12T22:31:00.000+12:00

I am in tears... still am

everyone at work gave me a big hug before they leave, I am like "sob... sob... I don't wanna go"

I was working with Vickie, Tarryn, Paul and Rebecca tonight, even Paul gave me a big manly hug. I dont know what to say, I am so grateful that I have these wonderful friends, who care about me and are always there for me through the good and bad times.

I love you. I truly love you and I swear I will come back to New Zealand, I swear. That is a promise.

Storm Takes House, Leaves... Excellent View

2006-05-10T21:41:00.000+12:00

Special Thank You to Heather!

My Dearest Heather,

I have not forgotten about you and I appreciate you much more than anyone else thinks I do. You have always been a great friend, it's a shame that we never get to know each other better outside of working in Woolie.

I am leaving next Wednesday, maybe we can catch up some time before that if you got some free time for Bags :)

Geoff

You knew this but I am making this public. I appreciate you at work! You said that no one misses you, you know that I would if I have been working there!

Keep your head up and don't let some punks get to you

Yesterday, Trudy and the Shipping News

I caught up with Trudy. We had a wonderful time catching up. After I got home for some reason I am not gonna say what, I couldn't sleep. So I watched a movie called the Shipping News. That is where the title of this blog entry came from.

A storm took out an old house, you could choose to stay sad about losing the house or look beyond the horizon and see the excellent view. It's a fairly simple idea but it stayed in my mind.

Baltony Town Centre

I went to catch up with Lisa and Peter today, just got home about 30 minutes ago. They are so happy together and I wish them all the best with all my heart.

My time is running out, so much to do with so little time. I love you all.

One last thing, a quote I keep thinking of...
That impossible anger strangling the grief until the memory of your loved one is just poison in your vein. And one day, you catch yourself wishing that person you loved had never existed so you'd be spared your pain.

Oh Dear I am so Screwed Up

2006-05-08T08:24:00.000+12:00

It's 8:24 am and I am here writing my blog, sad! No, I didn't wake up early, I just didn't go to bed.

Mission Impossible 3

I went out with Eddie and Graham last night to watch MI3 in town. That was a pretty good movie with paccked mindless actions.

We were going to meet up at 7 pm, the movie starts at 9:30pm, but Eddie had a minor accident that he had to go to A & E to get some stitches on his hand for that 4mm deep cut. Eddie, you're a legend!

After the movie, it was nearly 12pm, dinner time lol! We went to McDonalds had a quick meal, set there and had a nice chat

Casino! Yay, baby

2:30 am, we were bored, so what do we do? Hey, Casino is there, we need to go there to get our parking fee sorted anyway, so why not? So there we were, a blonde male (Eddie), a sexy looking Asian wearing sun glasses at 2:30 am (me) and a half-Asian, half European breed (Graham) walked into the Casino looking wasted at the same time Graham had a chocolate Sundae in his hand. Yay, we rock!! You wonder why we were stopped by the security?

Then we hadn't had enough, so we headed to Graham's place and played some more Poker online (sorry, Eddie for losing your money, but it was good fun). It's all good fun but it also reminded me why I don't do those crazy nights often anymore, hey, at least we didn't hit the strip club nor getting wasted at the pub - not like there is anything wrong with it! Hell I'd do just about anything to forget my little problem for a while.

GG!

GG us, Graham needs to go to work at 9 am, Eddie to university around 10 am and I need to go to the gym at 9:30 am. So we called it a day at 6:30am, on my way back home gosh I saw the sunrise and I was like "Long bay here I come!" so I went and watched sunrise at Long bay beach, alone of course, Eddie and Graham weren't crazy enough to join me. Anyway! Now I am wasted, exhausted and my head hurts like hell and if I get raped I probably won't feel my body (keep your hands to yourself, ladies).

8:32 am, I think I'll take a shower. Damn it my eyes are all red I'd better get my freaking contacts off.

First Day Back in New Zealand

2006-05-04T01:41:00.000+12:00

Landing

I landed in New Zealand with a heavy heart at approximately 01:00pm on 3rd of May 2006.

Less than 24 hours ago I have decided that I would give Digital River a serious try, which means I will fly to Taiwan at around 20th of May, and head to USA for 3 weeks in the beginning of June.

I am feeling really bad, confused, and mostly sad. I have to leave my life hehind. New Zealand is my home, no doubt about that. My friends, work, family basically my whole life is right here, but I have to. This is the second time ever I even consider leaving my life behind, the first time was last November when I swore I would go to the end of the universe with... it doesn't matter anymore. That day never came.

Woolworths Resignation

I have been working in Woolworths Browns bay for more than 8 years, starting from my 6th form year way back in 1997. I love that place, sure there are/have been people I do not appreciate, but overall I enjoyed working there and it feels like a second home to me. I enjoyed my time chatting with people, making customers happy and gossiping at work.

Unfortunately I had become rather uncomfortable working there since beginning of this year, even though I tried very hard to tell everyone including myself that I would not let my personal life interfere with my professional life, I did. There has been something, someone on my mind that's been hauting me since last December and I can not get out of my mind. Call me stupid, but I can not control my feelings.

03:00pm. Before I had time to settle down, I drove straight to Woolworths Browns Bay. I saw Eileen, Trudy and some other friends. I handed in my resignation to Eileen, she was shocked, Trudy was furious, Graham saw it coming. I knew, don't ask how, I have my source of information, I knew that the person who I felt uncomfortable with has left. That fact changed little, if any of my uneasiness to continue staying in Woolworths, or perhaps, even New Zealand in general.

Going Away

I figure that maybe some time away would help. I would like to say thank you to my friends in New Zealand for putting up with me over the years(Alphabetical order)

Bronwyn
Candyce Taylor
Dennis Kerins
Edward van Boheemen
Eileen
Geoff Blackmore
Graham Lees
Graham Taylor
Heather Dawson
Jason and Suzanne
Karen
Lisa Strong
Lisa Wong and Peter
Melissa Wrightson
Paul Yu
Reuben Dowle
Simon Wei
Stephen Fleet
Trudy
Victoria Gifford
Victoria Wright

These friends of mine, helped me build up most of my memeories here in New Zealand, some bitter, some sweet but either way memories to cherish, to remember and I will not trade those memories for anything, not even for all the fortunes in the world.

I do not know how long I will be gone for. Maybe a few months, maybe a year or two, maybe even more. I can not foresee, but I will come back home. I will not settle down in Taiwan, never, ever, Taiwan to me, is a bus stop. My plan is to rent a little room, as small as possible, live on my own. I do not want to rub my sorrow to my family anymore like I have been so far this year. I will take it alone.

Alone. That's all I've got there in Taiwan and I plan to keep it that way for as long as I am there.

I will come back to New Zealand and when I do, I will stay. I hope then, this pain would be gone. I hope then, all that is left, is recognition.

Special Note to Aly

Sorry I haven't been online lately. I went south and was out of internet for about a week. I am back to New Zealand now and I shall see you online more often.

I am so wasted

2006-04-24T15:39:00.000+12:00

no, not from doing anything naughty!!

Jeez,whatever was on your mind

I am just really tired from playing WC3 non-stop for pretty much 2 days. Physically tired, mentally strong!!!!!!!! I've been online lots in the last couple of days, it's weird to say, but I feel home when I am online.

I had a phone interview with the dirctor of Digital River the other night. Cuz he was calling from US, I had to stay awake at 1 am - not like that's ever a problem for me, hehehe

I am still thinking, cuz I am really interested in their job plus I get to go to US maybe to visit some of my friends there. Well, the money is nice too.

Who cares! I will think about it later

All it well, happy & all
Bagwell out

Decisions, decisions

2006-04-20T13:46:00.000+12:00

A few of you might already know what I am trying to decide. I shall come to a final decision in the next 48 hours. I absolutely adore my home country NZ, but there is a reason I do not want to be there. Don't pray for me, rather, whisper with me.

Let us whisper, together

Much love to all my friends
Bagwell, for now, the Whisperer

Home sweet home 21 days to go!

2006-04-12T14:13:00.000+12:00

Today, 13th of April, was the day I head back home, but I have delayed it till 2nd of May.

It's a very sad reason I shall not mention, let's just skip to the next chapter.

There are more and more people asking me not to burn the unicorn, and Stephen has turned down my invitation to see I burn the drawing when I get back home. Lisa on the other hand is trying to tell me it's just an art work and I should leave it there and not tieing it to anything nor anyone.

Only if my emotions were that simple. I promise I'll think it through again some time later, I got 21 days at least.

I spoke to Garlic online last night. her holiday starts mid night this Thursday and she's planning to dance it out~ so glad to see her enjoying herself~ I asked her to have my share of fun while I'm not in NZ :)

Anyway, it's getting really really REALLY HOT in Taiwan. I am getting out of the house before I bake myself! I might head down the street to play basketball or go for a walk at the nearby walkway. OR alternatively I'll go shopping, muwahahahaha~~ they got air con in the buildings too!! Grand idea, I might do that.

Until next time, take care, my friends!
Bagwell
P.S. Eddie, I haven't been able to get all the parts you need yet, but I'll get around to it. I have been a bit, unstable at heart you know what I mean and I can finally understand why you hate certain kind of females so much. Though my advice to you is not to shut all of them out cuz of a few whores/sluts, there are a lot wonderful girls out there you know. You, not being an Asian has a lot more advantage! You go, bro

A unicorn to be burned

2006-04-09T21:24:00.000+12:00

Sunday 9 April 2006 New Zealand Time
Sunday 9 April 2006 Taiwan Time

I couldn't sleep last night - well, nothing new. So I decided to wrap up some of my past and finished a unicorn to be burned.

I caught up with Lisa today on MSN, you should've seen how well she and Hui-Min teamed up caring about me lol~~

I have also spoken to Geoff, Graham and Trudy. By the sound of things Woolie has been pretty chaotic.

Let me wrap up this remorse with a song Hui-Min sent me.

This Time Imperfect

I cannot leave here, I cannot stay,
Forever haunted, more than afraid,
Asphyxiate on words I would say,
I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue,

There are no flowers, no not this time,
There'll be no angels gracing the lines,
Just these stark words, I find,
I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak,
I'd share with you could I only speak,
Just how much this, hurts me,

I cannot stay here, I cannot leave,
Just like all I loved, I'm make-believe,
Imagined heart, I disappear,
Seems...no one will appear here and make me real,

There are no flowers, no, not this time,
There will be no angels gracing the lines,
Just these dark words I find,
I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak,
I'd share with you could I only speak,
Just how much this hurts me,

I'd tell you how it haunts me,
I'd tell you how it haunts me,
(cuts through my day, as i sink into my dreams)
I'd tell you that it haunts me,
(cuts through my day, as i sink into my dreams)
You don't care that it haunts me,

Oh!
There are no flowers, no, not this time,
There will be no angels gracing the lines,
Just these dark words I find,
I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak,
I'd share with you could I only speak,
Just how much this hurts me,
Just how much this hurts me,
Just how much you...

Change of Plan

2006-04-07T02:46:00.000+12:00

I have changed my plan of returning home from 13th April to 2nd of May. Everything is sorted here but I feel that I need more time.

When I was in a near drunk state last night, I realised that there is something that is missing. I guess we all need to go through some stupid times in our lives, kinda like in Fight Club, they claimed that if you've never fought, you never lived. Same goes for a lot of things depend on who you are. I've had enough stupid times, but can't say the same for everyone else.

There is something else I am planning, I can't say it yet but when the time is right, I will. I hope you understand. Until then, here is a song I've been listening to, it's old but it induces a different feeling from my heart now than then.

Butterfly

by M. Carey

When you love someone so deeply
They become your life
It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside
Blindly I imagined I could
Keep you under glass
Now I understand to hold you
I must open up my hands
And watch you rise

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

I have learned that beauty
Has to flourish in the light
Wild horses run unbridled
Or their spirit dies
You've given me the courage
To be all that I can
And I truly feel your heart will
Lead you back to me
When you're ready to land

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

I can't pretend these tears
Aren't over flowing steadily
I can't prevent this hurt from
Almost overtaking me
But I will stand and say goodbye
For you'll never be mine
Until you know the way it feels to fly

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly
So flutter through the sky
Butterfly
Spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

Glen Morgan Night

2006-04-06T03:41:00.000+12:00

Wednesday 5 April 2006 New Zealand Time
Wednesday 5 April 2006 Taiwan Time

Just got back from a night walk in a close by place call Elephant hill (direct translation).

We had decent food tonight and I had half bottle of Glen Morgan. It's nice, it's good to relax a little bit like this. It is very tempting to drink the remaining half bottle but I don't want to spend tomorrow recovering from hang over :P so I guess I'll drink some soda for now.

Miss you all very much,especially my friends in NZ and on WC3 - yes, that includes you, Aly! and Will, I know that you want me~

=====================

Tuesday 4 April 2006 New Zealand Time
Tuesday 4 April 2006 Taiwan Time

nothing happened today, stupid net connection has been unstable

I Hate Losing & I Sang over the Net lol

2006-04-04T06:56:00.000+12:00

Monday 3 April 2006 New Zealand Time
Monday 3 April 2006 Taiwan Time

Long day...

I went to play basketball with my lil brother tonight. He was pissing me off by playing carelessly. Ok, I know what you gonna say, I am taking it too seriously, but freaking ay, I don't like losing. My brother kept taking outside shots when he could only make about 30% of them, okay, he's usually a good shooter, I give him that, but he hasn't touched a basketball for weeks and that is not the way to get his touch back.

I knew I was not in any shape of shooting from outside, so I took it in. Those idiots bumped me, did just about everything to try to stop me. That was when my upper body strength come in handy, but anyway, we lost most of the games tonight. It really pissed me off, I kept telling my brother to stop playing like a pussy and take the ball inside, take the body hits like a man, dont be afraid of body contact, but he just wouldn't.

So, naturally I was very upset and told him so. Now he's not talking to me, I'll give him some time to grow a pair of balls.

ANYWAY

Now the good part of the night, I just got off talking to Hui-Min on MSN. We used video conference mode, well, I aint got a camera here but she could hear me speaking. It's fun talking to her, exchanging randomness and gosh, I can't believed that I sang to her lol she couldn't talk out cuz her mum was sleeping half a meter away from her :(

Maybe next time :P she said she's gonna sing to me on Thursday 3:30pm Taiwan time! You bet I'll do everything I can to be on the net then :D

Back from visiting Anne Chen

2006-04-03T03:41:00.000+12:00

before I start, a side story, Anne told me that I should wear something other than black some time too, just like Lisa suggested. Sigh... maybe black is really not my colour? but but... I am the Lord of Darkness!

=====================

Sunday 2 April 2006 New Zealand Time
Sunday 2 April 2006 Taiwan Time

Nothing much happened today. I got really bored and walked around a little. My uncle's place is about 5 minutes walk to Taipei 101 the Perfect Bombing Target, hence it's close to a lot of... hmmm~ department stores :-) although I got bored eventually, you know how it feels when you go shopping alone, it gets depressing...

all around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces...

=====================

Saturday 1 April 2006 New Zealand Time
Saturday 1 April 2006 Taiwan Time

It's moments till mid night, I am back to Taipei at my uncle's place.

Left to right: Anne Chen, Bagwell the sexy, Anne's grandmom and Anne's mother

As some of you might already know, I visited Anne and her family today. I have not seen them for about 3 years since they left New Zealand. We were friends since my high school days. Anne is now teaching in Taiwan, she lives about an hour drive away from Taipei. Funny enough, she does not like the life style in Taiwan at all, matter of fact, she wants to get out of there - though she kept telling me that for the last years lol

Pity we don't always get to do everything we want, but that's life, isn't it?

=====================

Meeting with Cliff & About Wearing Black

2006-04-01T12:31:00.000+12:00

Ok, a quick post before I head to Sing-Zu to visit Anne Chen. Also to Lisa Wong. I took your advice and bought a shirt that is NOT black! It's a bit embarassing to wear it lol~ I will try get a photo up some time next week :p

=====================

Friday 31 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Friday 31 March 2006 Taiwan Time

I met Cliff aka Dota.Sexyboy today. It felt really odd, he usually lives in LA, USA and me being in NZ. We met through WC3 about 2 years ago.

Man, what a small world!

=====================

Thursday 30 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Thursday 30 March 2006 Taiwan Time

BOOM! Not much happened today, just chilling with my little couz

=====================

Wednesday 29 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Wednesday 29 March 2006 Taiwan Time

I have arrived in Taipei

=====================

Tuesday 28 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Tuesday 28 March 2006 Taiwan Time

7:15 am
Just got back from a nice walk at the park, my leg still hurts when I stretch my thigh, but it's getting better.

I am heading to Taipei this afternoon. Wish me luck!

=====================

Monday 27 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Monday 27 March 2006 Taiwan Time

It's been raining whole day today, I was going to my cousin's place but I got distracted listening to mp3's.
Right now it's 4:30am, not sleepy. Well, I guess this should be under the entry for 28th of March, but meh. I think I'll go for a walk later.

=====================

Sunday 26 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Sunday 26 March 2006 Taiwan Time

Ok, I feel better today and Igot lots of catch up to do about my journal. Obviously I was at my cousin's place using the net on Friday 24 March.

Well, long story short, between 22nd to about today, I've been pretty much home and looking sexy. Too bad the only audience are my laptop and TV in the room.

For Anne-Marie

2006-03-25T00:11:00.000+12:00

I've been... well, let's not talk about it.

I finished the drawing I promised Anne-Marie. It's mostly imaginary, I hope you like it, Anne :P

Tuesday 21 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Tuesday 21 March 2006 Taiwan Time

It's 5:21 in the morning. I haven't been able to sleep well, nothing new I guess. I am skipping sleeping pills these 2 weeks so it wouldn't kill me as fast and it's been kinda difficult to fall asleep without them. I haven't been able to sleep before 4:00 am since I arrived in Taichung on 13th of March.

Every night, I would lie in bed trying to get some sleep. Same thing happens every night, I'd just keep thinking thinking and can't sleep. Freaking frustrating!

Well, I eventually fall asleep when my body gives up, then I can't think anymore and I would just become unconscious. The really frustrating part is that as soon as my body and mind had some rest, I'd start dreaming. What I have been dreaming about lately... keeps waking me up.

So frustrating...

Screw sleeping, I am going for a walk at the park at 5:33 in the morning

Freaking wonderful life.

7:14 am

I just got back from a little walk in the nearby park. My right thigh injury is worse than I thought, after the second lap around the park it hurt so much I started sweating. After I finished the third lap (each lap takes me about 15 minutes), each step I took felt like someone was stabing my thigh. I guess I have to delay my plan to start exercising my legs.

Just a side story. I saw a few Taiwan/Hong Kong made movies. In those movies there were teenage gangsters challenging each other racing... with scooters. I couldn't help but laughed out, it's like "let's RACE!! Go my little scooter with top speed 80 km/hour". That's right, 80 km, not even miles per hour.

Pathetic scooter race.

I still can't sleep... can't play basketball, can't get on the net, too dizzy to draw. I feel like destroying something beautiful... again.

=====================

Monday 20 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Monday 20 March 2006 Taiwan Time

Rainy day, went to my cousin's place to access the net

Being Random or Im Losing It? You tell me

2006-03-20T18:28:00.000+12:00

Friday 19 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Friday 19 March 2006 Taiwan Time

Donnie Darko...

Replace those hours of pain and darkness with something better.

The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had...

Needless to say, I just watched Donnie Darko on TV. If you are familiar with this awesome movie, then you would know its powerful theme song "Mad World".

=====================

Thursday 18 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Thursday 18 March 2006 Taiwan Time

I am so tired... of everything

=====================

Friday 17 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Friday 17 March 2006 Taiwan Time

Boooo~~ so tired...
Justify my love
Watched T-Wolves VS Golden State Warriors. Lame game, bad team VS bad team.

=====================

Thursday 16 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Thursday 16 March 2006 Taiwan Time

Watched "Baseball World Classic" Korea beats Japan, Mexico beats USA

More Thinking... God Damn It!

2006-03-16T02:26:00.000+13:00

Wednesday 15 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Wednesday 15 March 2006 Taiwan Time

Relaxing day~ I dreamed about New Zealand last night, and some other contents I am absolutely sure none of you want to hear about, so let's skip it.

I've been thinking a lot lately. Well, mainly just missing someone very much... if she is the sun, then I'm the moon. I'd rule the night at her absence, and when she comes around, I will surrender the night. Even though I might be just next to her, she would never notice my existence.

I know I'd survive without her. I am surviving, but it's not enough just to survive when life is precious. Someone once told me "Don't let your past determine who you are, let it become part of you in the future". That is very beautiful, and it is so true.

Anyway, I am at my cousin's place using the net. Got lots of messages to send and emails to write :)

=====================

Tuesday 14 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Tuesday 14 March 2006 Taiwan Time

I went to "Taichung Metropolitan Park" today. It's a huge new park with lots of fake, I mean artificial stuff making the whole environment looking natural. There were so few people there (well, considering it's not a holiday nor anything).

An interesting photo, this chick was waving at me. I know she was waving at me cuz there was nobody standing near me nor behind me. So I took a photo of her and her friends. Do I know them? nope, not at all, first time I see them in my life. What's her name? I dunno, I didn't ask, I just took the photo and waved back. Why was she waving at me? I must be too sexy.

Some random things I heard today, I thoguht these quotes are quite interesting:
If you have a goal, you might not make it. If you don't have one, then you'd never be disappointed.

You are adopted, your parenst don't even love you.

You are not ok, I am not ok, but that's ok

=====================

Monday 13 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Monday 13 March 2006 Taiwan Time

I have arrived in Taichung.

I found an old art work of mine. I did this as a present for my grandfather. It is possibly my only Chinese ink art work that's survived the test of time (if you know about the kind of paper used for Chinese ink painting, they are rather fragile). I am not exactly sure what year I did that. I mean, it's written on it in Chinese year, but my knowledge about it is kinda, limited lol~ my guess it was done around 1992 or 1993, definitely before 1995 as that was the year I moved to New Zealand. So that makes the painting at least 10 years old. It's survived the infamous 921 earthquake in Taichung, my cousin's drink split, fell of the wall - broken frame, class and slightly ripped.

Last Night in Kaohsiung

2006-03-13T05:55:00.000+13:00

Sunday 12 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Sunday 12 March 2006 Taiwan Time

Nothing much has happened today, I went did a little bit of shopping for some paper pens (yes, paper pens, not paper and pens, it's a sketching tool), hard paper and soft eraser. Yes, I am gonna start doing some drawing again :) gosh, I feel so embarassed by the half empty bottle I did for my cousin and my last attempt on the portrait of a girl in 2004 was abit of a disaster. I really need more practice.

I met a friend via DeviantART and I would much like to do a portrait on her. Guess what? She agreed :) so I really need to work hard now, I wouldn't want to embarass myself again!

I'm heading north tomorrow, hence I probably won't have the net access as much as I have been in the last few weeks in Kaohsiung :(
I miss you all very much and thinking of you~

The Missing Years...

2006-03-12T05:19:00.000+13:00

Saturday 11 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Saturday 11 March 2006 Taiwan Time

I can walk around today,the pain is slowly going away. At least I can control my leg now which I couldn't a couple days ago.

I have uploaded the photos for the sexiness competition on KoN. I will post a BLOG entry for it when I can. Right now I'm in the middle of a quick sketch which my little cousin dared me to (you know how I like challenges!). I'll post it up later

Here goes nothing.

=====================

Friday 10 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Friday 10 March 2006 Taiwan Time

I spent most of the day going through other people's art work on DA. It's really amazing what young people can do in nowdays, it kinda makes me regret the 11 years of almost artless life.

=====================

Thursday 9 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Thursday 9 March 2006 Taiwan Time

A day of healing, I couldn't walk today kinda jumped my way around with one leg

Brokeback Mountain and New Injury

2006-03-09T03:37:00.000+13:00

Thursday 03:30 am 9 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Wednesday 10:30 pm 8 March 2006 Taiwan Time

Fruit Cake Mountain

I went to see Brokeback Mountain today. It was bloody awesome!! I was so touched by the movie that I remain seated for the entire credit after movie.

I think by now most people would know how the movie goes so Im not gonna bore you with it. I'll just say, if you like a movie with contents, requires some deep thinking and certainly an open mind to watch, then go for it, you won't regret it.

Oh~ I've seen Munich too, that is nothing compare to Brokeback Mountain, seriously, the difference is that big in my opinion.

New Injury!

I went to play basketbal tonight. I got kneed into my right thigh three times but I kept playing. It's just physical pain, but then all the sudden I realised that I couldn't move my right leg lol

OOPS!

So what did I do? the brilliant Bagwell played on limping around, hahaha~~ Did it hurt? Yes, it did and still does, but I don't care. I played on to the point that I couldn't bend nor stetch my right leg straight. Stupid human body, it needs to be able to take up more beating than this!

So, at this point, my right leg was basically gone and I had no choice but to head back to my grandpa's place - on foot lol

By the time I got back. My right thigh was swollen, it looks like I've torn my muscle and the internal bleeding was making my sexy leg big and fluffy. I think I will need to rest for a little while, I don't want to have a huge scar tissue and result in chronicle injury like I did to my right shoulder.

Stupid human body!

Kinda Tired

2006-03-08T17:30:00.000+13:00

Tuesday 7 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Tuesday 7 March 2006 Taiwan Time

Kaohsiung museum and revive myDeviantart account

I took lots of photos. Dunno what to say about it, I guess I'm just tired in general. I'll sort out the photos some other time.

Also I took my sis Lisa's advice and revived my Deviantart account.

=====================

Monday 6 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Monday 6 March 2006 Taiwan Time

Heal, WC3 whole day!

What can I say? I feel lazy today so, WC3 whole day long!!!

=====================

Monday 04:29 am 6 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Sunday 11:29 pm 5 March 2006 Taiwan Time

Catch up with Liyi at Starbucks, walked back to grandpa's place from Kaohsiung Hospital.

Gosh, I was classmate with Liyi for 8 years! This is the first time I've seen her in the last 7 years!!! Crazy how fast time goes by. She's now a medical doctor and being "laboured" 12 hours a day :( I told her she should work as a doctor in New Zealand, apparently you don't have to work that many hours lol~

Liyi and me, who do you reckon is sexier?

We had a great time.

=====================

Sunday 04:02 am 5 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Saturday 11:02 pm 4 March 2006 Taiwan Time

Dinner at 43rd floor Han-Shan Department Store

Picture of the department store, we had dinner at its 43rd floor

My aunt and her hunsband took me and my little cousin out for dinner tonight. Oh dear, that reataurant was fancy and costly too. NTD 780 per person, that's about NZD 39! Consider the cheapest buffet in Taiwan is about NTD 180 (NZD 9), NTD 780 is... hell a lot.

Good food though, not complaining :)

=====================

Saturday 04:45 am 4 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Friday 11:45 pm 3 March 2006 Taiwan Time

Another day of healing...

Another Day of Illness

2006-03-03T02:17:00.000+13:00

Friday 02:06 am 3 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Thursday 09:06 pm 2 March 2006 Taiwan Time

Not well. I got up at about 9:00 am and boy I felt so ill. Fever, sore throat and my whole body feels like it needs repairing. Funny how I don't get ill often in New Zealand and as soon as I landed in Taiwan, my body can't seem to adapt to the environment.

I've been in bed almost whole day except the hour or so chatting with Melissa and Stephen on MSN. My grandpa just measured my body temperature and it's 38 degrees celcius. Not good at all. I skipped breakfast and lunch, had a little bit of food for dinner but I feel like throwing up. I haven't been this physically ill for a long time and my family is worried. My grandpa got a bit grumpy when I said that I wanna go out for a quick run to sweat a little. Meh... I really don't care, it's just fever, I'll live through it plus I've been through worse.

Physical pain? Screw it, just take it like a man! If you've endured emotional pain, this fever aint nothing!

Too bad my family disagrees.

=====================

Wednesday 10:30 pm 1 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Wednesday 05:30 pm 1 March 2006 Taiwan Time

Nothing much's happened today, my bro is heading to Taipei later on tonight so we went out for lunch at this expensive buffet restaurant. NTD 540 per person, that's about NZD 27, good food though.

I also got hold of Anne Chen tonight. I'll go visit her and her family some time this month. It's been three years since we last saw each other, this is so exciting.

Turn Back Before It's Too Late

2006-03-01T13:04:00.000+13:00

Wednesday 04:52 am 1 March 2006 New Zealand Time
Tuesday 11:52 pm 28 February 2006 Taiwan Time

Just got back from shopping. I was mostly there to look after my little brother and my two little cousins while they shopped for toys. Interesting enough, I had a great time justgoing around places with them, kinda reminded me of my youthful days. Also today marks the second time ever I take buses in Taiwan - like NZ buses, they smell.

I went to visit a temple (yes... another one) this afternoon. They also have a lattern festival thingie going on, but I can't be bothered coming at night. I've seen two lattern festivals since I arrived in Taiwan - that's enough for me! Lights & I don't mix.

A random old man. I dunno, this picture reminds me so much of life

"Turn back before it's too late" or something along the lines of "stop falling, you can still be saved". I dunno, sis Lisa help me translate this :) I like this phrase, it's a constant reminder to myself.

That phrase "Turn back before it's too late" reminded me so much of what I was like when I was young... and stupid. Everyone makes mistakes, the wise ones bounce back and learn from their mistakes, the even wiser ones see the mistakes before they make them. Hopefully one day my spirit will have a wiser mind.

Tuesday 09:38 am 28 February 2006 New Zealand Time
Tuesday 04:38 am 28 February 2006 Taiwan Time

I've been up since about 3:00 am, not unusual, I am getting used to waking up from my dreams now.

I've been dreaming about the same thing for a while. Everything seems to be alright when I am awake, I could go shopping, exercising and do pretty much anything I'd like to without thinking about it. However when I fall asleep, it just comes back to me.

The dreams are almost identical. They all start with me refusing to say a name, I would deny that person's existence and trying to tell myself it's just a dream. Yet one way or another, I end up screaming that name in my dreams. Once it was because someone else in my dream told me her name, another time there was someone carved her name on my flesh and then there was this imagine of her dying in front of me. Just then, I saw her name written all over the places, in the sky, on the wall, on the floor, on every page of my books and every inch of my body.

One way or another, my heart overpowers my mind.

So frustrating, so irritating

=====================

Tuesday 03:23 am 28 February 2006 New Zealand Time
Monday 10:23 pm 27 February 2006 Taiwan Time

I was finally able to eat today at lunch time! We went to this Japanese restaurant, oh dear, I am so bloody full even now (skipped dinner) it's not funny. I'm absolutely sure that my stress upset my stomach last time. I only hope that I didn't just upset my stomach physically this time.

Later this afternoon I went shopping with my brother. Yay shopping, I didn't get anything though, my bro got a couple of jumpers and some clothes. However, I had an awesome time window shopping all those nice little decorations.

I love window shopping!

Jason & Suzanne, I got your message on MSN and I'll have a look into the video cards for you and let you know the best buy ;-)

Happy Engagement, Lisa & Pete!

2006-02-27T02:21:00.000+13:00

Sunday 02:11 am 27 February 2006 New Zealand Time
Sunday 09:11 pm 26 February 2006 Taiwan Time

I'm sorry that I couldn't make it to your engagement party :( I swear I will make it to your wedding even if that means I am half way around the world! I hope that you like the present ;-)

I'm feeling much better today. My last meal was on Friday night so my stomach had plenty of time to rest :) it's a good thing my body has a lot of energies to burn lol

Though my grandpa and big aunt are extremely worried, I don't think they've seen people skipping meals often. They've been asking me to go to see a doctor, but seriously, I have no faith in Taiwanese doctors *looking away since my uncle is a doctor here and my dad was one too, so was my grandfather... and my sister is going to be one* hey, no worries, I know my body! It's not the first time this has happened, I know how to handle it! I just had some difficult time convincing my family. I am not gonna be stupid to die of starvation, there are better ways to die and starvation is hardly one of them.

My bro and my cousin arrived in Kaohsiung today. They are only staying for a couple of days then they are heading north again. I thought about joining them but I thought I'd wait till I'm fully recovered.

Oh~ and I got my hands on a Warcraft 3 CD! I played my first DOTA game in Taiwan. Though playing with the unusual resolution of my laptop (1280 x 800) is pissing me off, but I guess I'll have to live with it until I return to New Zealand.

The Sunset of My Heart

2006-02-26T00:19:00.000+13:00

Sunday 12:19 am 26 February 2006 New Zealand Time
Saturday 07:19 pm 25 February 2006 Taiwan Time

Ok, this is not good. I thought it was just a stressful mood but not anymore. There is something wrong with my body.

I tried to get up today at 9:00 am and ended up slamming back in bed due to extreme dizziness. I pretty much threw up everything I tried to have, even a glass of water seems too much for my body to handle. Then I realised that I got fever.

Fever is just a symdrome, what's causing it? My only conclusion is my upset stomach. I pretty much spent the whole day in bed recovering.

Then my aunt and her husband came visit me at around 4:00 pm. I felt a bit better and she suggested that we go watch the sunset.

A snap shot of sunset

Night view of the Kaohsiung harbour

It was beautiful. I've wanted to watch sunset in New Zealand for a while but I never got around to it. Last time that was brought up was when I was with someone special, she had suggested that we should one day, drive all the way to west Auckland and watch sunset. I wanted to, and I had picked the place to watch it but she had been busy since then. I still do, but she's no longer around and watching sunset alone is kinda depressing.

Alright, I am really tired. I miss you all, my friends. Aly, if you see this,drop me a line some time :) I know you've been busy playing WoW.

=====================

Friday 11:20 pm 24 February 2006 New Zealand Time
Friday 06:20 pm 24 February 2006 Taiwan Time

I am not feeling well today, so I decided to stay online and chat instead heading out. Thank you, Kathy for your advice :-) and I hope things get better in the clan too.

2006 Candy World in Tainan

2006-02-24T14:47:00.000+13:00

Friday 03:03 am 24 February 2006 New Zealand Time
Thursday 10:03 pm 23 February 2006 Taiwan Time

Today, I went to the Candy Festival in Tainan.

It was good because since today isn't a public holiday, I basically had the whole place for myself! Too bad I can't have all the candies for myself.

We parked about 2 KMs away from the place and took those tiny little train there. That was an interesting experience :-) apparently, farmers use those little trains to transfer crops.

Apparently this is how candies were sold in Taiwan way back in the old days. Before I was born! Now that is truly old.

HELLO KITTY! Wouldn't you want to have a room like this??

If you like candies, chocolate, then you'd love that place. Also if you like pink and hello kitty (yes, Vickie, you, don't look away), then you'll have no problem spend a full day here!

On the little train trip back to the car park, we came across this chick in white who was taking photos of the train. I bet she just wanted to take shots of the sexy me, so I thought it's only fair that I take some photos of her.

The random Taiwanese chick in white. I swear she was staring at me the whole time our little train was passing by.

Just ebfore we reached our car, I ran into this group of kids led by their teacher to the candy land for a field trip. I love kids! They taste very nice... what did I just say?

I love kids!!So innocent, and so tasty... what? not again

LOVELY!!! Look at this, a family graveyard in the middle of a rice field? Isn't that romantic? I wish my family would spread my ashes into the wind, let it be one with mother earth.

Isn't this romantic? Graveyard in a rice field

It's been a nice and full on day! It had a festival, candies, chocolate, HELLO KITTY, lots of pink,a random chick in white, kids and the best of all, graveyard on a rice field! I hope tomorrow is gonna be just as interesting :)

Love ya all, my friends!

A Day of Recovery & Catch Up

2006-02-23T06:30:00.000+13:00

Wednesday 11:22 pm 22 February 2006 New Zealand Time
Wednesday 06:22 pm 22 February 2006 Taiwan Time

I haven't done much today. I went to bed at about 11:00 pm last night, then got up at 2:00 am. Then at about 4:00 am, 9:00 am NZ time, Trudy came on MSN. Hence I stayed on the net and talked to Trudy till about 9:00 am (2:00 pm NZ time).

Then at about 10:00 am (NZ time 3:00 pm), my body collapsed and I ended up in bed till about 2:30 pm. At least I got some sleep which I desperately need. We were going to watch a movie today but I guess that'd have to be the plan for tomorrow.

In the afternoon, I spent a lot of time online, catching up with my sister Lisa Wong, my friends Karen, Stephen, Lisa Strong and Victoria Gifford. I still havent seen Nick, Graham Lees nor Melissa much online lately, really miss you :-(

Here's a photo for you wonderful people in NZ! I appear to be a bit tired because I am, but I still look as sexy as eva!

P.S. Dotty, Hea(t)her (Lady Cyanide), Shanna (Spambi) and I are having a Sexy Competition on KoN. Now should I post all of our pictures some time and let you vote to see who's the sexiest?

Chocolate Fountain

2006-02-22T15:15:00.000+13:00

Wednesday 02:17 am 22 February 2006 New Zealand Time
Tuesday 09:17 pm 21 February 2006 Taiwan Time

I went shopping today! For clothes :) my aunts insisted that all my clothes are a bit *messy* and I need to dress up lol

What they don't know is that I look sexiest when undressed ;-)

We then saw this AMAZING chocolate spring thingie! It's awesome! They got fruits, marshmallows, biscuits sticks or bread to dip in the chocolate spring. Ok, I am getting excited thinking about it & not making much sense, I'll let the pictures explain it.

When I got back, I saw that they now stamp expire dates on fresh eggs. WOOT? I wonder when will they implement something like that in New Zealand.

anyway, hmmmmmm~~ chocolate~

The Perfect Match - inspired by Spambi

2006-02-21T16:12:00.000+13:00

Tuesday 05:36 am 21 February 2006 New Zealand Time
Tuesday 12:36 am 21 February 2006 Taiwan Time

The Perfect Match
inspired by Spambi's new marriage

I saw Spambi(Shanna)'s marriage of marrying herself in KoN. In her signature, she said she's finally found her perfect match. That made me think 'how many people in nowdays actually find their perfect match?'

True love true love, do you believe in true love?

What is true love?

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
I Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV)

Most people would tend to agree that true love is not only mutual attraction, but also certain chemistry that helps two people overcome any obstacle they might encounter in a relationship. Although at a time or another, most of us believed in true love. For many people, true love is something exists only in fairytales.

Most of us only ever find compromised love. Compromised love consists of two individuals who are trying to work through their differences and reach a balancing point where both can live with. This kind of relationship is never smooth, but there are good times in it too. In compromised love, patience develops passions.

Traditinally in many cultures, love was made after marriage. Because of culture and bond of marriage, often a couple would be forced to live through the phrase of staying together without mutual attraction. Not often, but sometimes, the bond of true love was made this way.

With the modern day thinking that marriage becoming a mere formality and sex becoming more of a physical thrill than emotional need. The mission of finding true love is seemingly impossible. Some people move on from relationship to relationship like hermit crabs. They try one compromised love after another, hoping one day true love will prevail.

Has anyone considered the possibility that we have misinterpreted the meaning of true love?

No two people in this world are exactly the same. When we first fall in love, we either can not see or refuse to believe that our other half isn't perfect. However, sooner or later, we all discover something we do not like in our significant half. Some people take more time to see it, some take less, but sooner or later we all come to realise that being with the same person for a long period of time requires certain effort.

We are only human, and no matter how hard we try, we all get sick and tired of the same thing after some time. Doing the same task, eating the same food, being with the same person. Maybe there is no such thing as forever mutual attraction. Maybe it is impossible to stay with the same person and always be happy with everything, but that does not mean we do not try. We try, we compromise and sacrifice, through this process, eventually we learn to accept and tolerate each other's differences. Eventually we learn to appreciate those differences. I believe that, this appreciation will eventually lead us to a state of mind where we care about our other half's well being more than our own.

Could it be that this state of mind of appreciation for each other, true love? If it is so, then does that mean true love is beyond certain chemistry and mutual attraction? which can be made with certain something, but not necessarily natural born mutual attraction or simply who we are.

I really don't know what true love really means, but I choose to believe the latter. True love will prevail as long as we believe.

Dotty, Engrish and Taiwanese

2006-02-20T21:58:00.000+13:00

Monday 09:18 pm 20 February 2006 New Zealand Time
Monday 04:18 pm 20 February 2006 Taiwan Time

First a picture of Dotty :-) she hasn'tbeen online for a couple of days, I hope she's having agood time~ thinking of you, lovely

and Will, this photo of me is for you. My little cousin took it when I was resting. Enjoy it :D

I haven't done much today. We went to a temple to pray, that's about it. It's a family tradition, I was only there for show as I lost my faith in the higher power a long time ago.

Hey, still, I got some pictures :P

Couple of pics of the temple

When we went to lunch, I saw this writing on a wall

Such a feelings coming over me,
There is wonder in most everything
I see Not a cloud in the sky,
Got the sun in my eyes,
And I won't be surprised
if it's a dream.

I laughed so hard with its grammar, wording and my aunts were wondering why. I just said, this is not English, it's Engrish.

Darn Taiwanese can't speak English!

A Song from Aly

2006-02-20T09:42:00.000+13:00

4:42 AM and Im still awake... at least I get to see Aly on Yahoo, she sent me this song. I guess she thinks I'd like it, well, she's right, I do =) thanks, Aly *hugz*

Arch Drive Goodbye
EVE 6

Wanna keep you from breakin
wanna keep you from shakin
wanna keep you from keepin
you down

Wanna keep you from sinkin
wanna keep you from drinkin
sometimes
Wanna keep you from keepin
you down

Ringing in my head
All the things you've said
All the things you've done
I wish I could compromise
but theres only one way to go
and im goin alone

Im goin alone

your self-help book shelf is full now
your pictures are about to be pulled down
without regard for a broken heart
its another year

ringing in my head
all the things you've said
all the things you've done
i wish i could compromise
but theres only one way to go

Wanna be with you tonight
Wanna be with you tonight
No i know it isnt right
wanna be with you tonight

cuz i love the way that you shock-shock-shock me
follow me to my house and then you rock-rock-rock me
wanna see your eyes wide not so shut
the queen be cool dont stop keep up
livin the city can be dyin' if you dont
got a grip take a sip from my molotov mug
wanna keep you from keepin you down
pick yourself up off the ground

wanna keep you from keepin you down
come on girl
ringing in my head
all the things you've said
all the things you've done

I wish i could compromise
I wish i could close my eyes
and somehow make it
all alright
but i know thers only one way to go

Miss the way that you shock-shock-shock me
follow me to my house and then you rock-rock-rock me
wanna see your eyes wide not so shut
completely cool dont stop keep up
livin in the city, cuz your dyin if you dont
got a grip take a sip from my molotov mug
wanna keep you from keepin you down
pick yourself up off the ground

Small Tour Around Kaohsiung

2006-02-20T02:36:00.000+13:00

Monday 02:13 am 20 February 2006 New Zealand Time
Sunday 09:13 pm 19 February 2006 Taiwan Time

I got up at about 9:00 am, approximately 6 hours of sleep. That makred the longest time I've slept since I arrived in Taiwan. I uploaded some photos from yesterday and did my routine online stuff.

After lunch, my aunts suggested we go somewhere with one of my little cousins. So four of us went on a little tour around Kaohsiung.

First we dropped by a Confucious temple. Honestly I was never a big fan of his, he might have been the great teacher to many Chinese, but to me, he's just an expired teacher whom should definitely be remembered, but not worshipped.

My two aunts and my little cousin in front of the Confucious temple in Kaohsiung

Along the way we also visited many temples, man, there are temples everywhere in Taiwan. They are so obsessed with religion just like certain Kiwis being obsessed with going to Churches. It's mad.

One of the better looking temples lol

Our last stop was Kaohsiung harbour. It used to be a restricted area but now it's a tourism spot, we had some coffee and I finally got a photo for Stephen's request - me with some background showing that I am indeed in Taiwan.

Aren't I sexy? Yes, I know, keep those dreams dry, ladies

We watched the sunset. It made me think of someone (not, not who you might be suggesting!), good memories.

Before sunset...

Alright, my back is really sore, I am gonna lie down for a while. I miss you all very much, my dear friends. Oh! I might get to meet Cliff aka Dota.Sexyboy in person some time, he is coming to Taiwan from LA. It'd be exciting :P

Kaohsiung Lattern Festival with Karen & her bro ~awesome fireworks~

2006-02-19T04:30:00.000+13:00

Sunday 04:33 am 19 February 2006 New Zealand Time
Saturday 11:33 pm 18 February 2006 Taiwan Time

=== edited ===
Sunday 03:28 pm 19 February 2006 New Zealand Time
Sunday 10:28 am 19 February 2006 Taiwan Time

added 14 photos
=== edited ===

I'm exhausted,so I'll make it brief. I have to admit that I was very tired at start of the day, thanks to 3 hours of sleep last night and perhaps 2 hours of sleep the night before. If it wasn't Aly, I probably would not have slept at all last night, thank you, Aly! *hugz* right now, it's all good, I've had such an awesome day thanks to Karen and her brother.

I went out with Karen today, we did some shopping. We came across this local shop that guarantee lowest price else they'd refund TWICE the differences. They were selling a normal size tube of Pringles for NTD 39 (about NZD 2), which is reasonablely cheap, and I LOVE Pringles, so we bought 3 tubes. We then joked saying who would actually move from store to store to compare prices of Pingles? About 30 minutes later, we came across this store they were having Pringles on sale for NTD 29 each (about NZD 1.50). I was like, "woot?" so we bought another tube, went back to the store with our docket saying "hey, dude, price difference!" to add on top of the incident, they had overcharged us one particular flavour of Pringle by NTD 10 (NTD 49 instead of NTD 39). So, they checked, and refunded us (10 + 10 + 20) x 2 = NTD 80! Karen & I couldn't stop laughing thinking we were just joking about it moments ago about their "lowest price guaratee". Then I got myself a black basketball jersey, that marks the first time I bought clothes for myself in about the last 5 years or so!

Then we had really nice Japnese style lunch - Sushi Express! That's my first time too, I've never tried that before, the food is awesome. We had 12 dishes between us! If you think that's a lot, the couple sitting next to us had at least twice as much. I bet they didn't have breakfast, they probably didn't have dinner last night neither lol

This is made of some kind of mussle, isn't that pretty?

Tuna sushi! I like it more than salmon, it's got a very nice texture, yum

Hmmm... octupus sushi

Octupus with prawn eggs sushi, so pretty!

Some scallop salad

Don't worry, the fish aint raw,whew..

We then went to her place, Karen's brother showed me his baseball card collection. He started collecting Major League baseball cards about 2 years ago. He's got a very nice collection of cards and he even has an authentic Chipper Jones game used bat, which cost him about 400 USD. I wish I have a Grant Hill game used basketball but I spent my early basketball card collection years on cards only.

Karen and her mom then gave me TONS, I mean, TONS of snacks, chips. Gosh~ Karen, if you are reading this, THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm gonna be so phat, need to do more exercises! and thanks for the jumper! it's beautiful!

Then at about 7:00 pm, her brother took us to the Kaohsiung Lattern Festival. It was awesome, versatile latterns, amazing fireworks and astunning water dances, it was great. I had so much fun that I took 348 photos! Yes, 348 photos all in one day! I don't think I'll break this record any time soon.

Entering the hall way of lattern display

This is for Lisa and Stephen! The penguin latterns :)

Karen and her brother, hmm... I didn't catch his name *looking innocent*

A wide angle view of the water dance

A dragon statue, I think lol

Fireworks!!

More fireworks!

I can't get enough shots of the fireworks :p

After the lattern festival, we went to Liuho night market for food. Man, the night market is full of good food. We had this... what the hell do you call it in English? Those roasted octupus meat balls, so yummy. I can still taste it in my mouth.

Thank you, Karen and your brother for hanging out with me, I had such a great time!!

Karen is heading back to New Zealand on 22nd of Feb, hopefully we'll catch up again before that, else have a safe trip home and I'll see ya back in Auckland!

Alright, I am really tired. I will edit this tomorrow morning and add some photos I took at the lattern festival :-)

GOOD NIGHT! *waves*

My Grandma

2006-02-18T06:36:00.000+13:00

Friday 10:33 pm 17 February 2006 New Zealand Time
Friday 05:33 pm 17 February 2006 Taiwan Time

I went to visit my grandma (mom's mother) today. I cried, I really miss her.

My grandma's ashes was placed in a Buddha temple. Even though she's been gone for three years, I can still feel the love she has for us. No one will ever replace her place in my heart.

I took some photos of the Buddha temple. Did you notice that next to my grandma's ashes, there is a bit empty space? That's reserved for my grandpa. This was my second trip there and I sheded tears both times. Not only because I miss my grandma, I also admire the love shared between my grandpa & grandma. They were married for nearly 60 years and even though there were bad times, they stayed together, for each other. Unlike the lusty love we often see in the modern days, it's mostly about sexy and temporary excitement.

The love shared by my grandpa & grandma, that kind of love is immortal, I can only hope that one day I will find someone who loves me so and I love her in return.

Walking in that temple of ashes brings hints of peaceinto my shattered soul. It feels different from walking in a graveyard, I can't say which feels better. They are different. I enjoy both.

A statue of the Buddha that watches over the people resting here. That reminds me of a conversation I had with Will aka semendemon. We talked about religions, about how most religions talk about god(s), in the name of god, god loves us... etc. Not in Buddhism. Buddha is not a god, Buddhism is "the teaching of Buddha that life is permeated with suffering caused by desire, that suffering ceases when desire ceases, and that enlightenment obtained through right conduct, wisdom, and meditation releases one from desire, suffering, and rebirth." Not once Buddha ever said that people need to believe in him to live a happy life & after life. All Buddhism is about, is helping people to obtain a better life through teaching, not preaching. That conversation really made me think twice about life.

I-Shou University International Stone Sculptural Carnival 2006

On my way back, I dropped by I-Shou University for the International Stone Sculptural Carnival. It'svery interesting, because most of those carnivals only display finished work, but this one, they stretch the carnival over a month long and the sculptors work on their sculptures on site! Ideally I should come everyday to see the progress, the process of making, instead just admiring the finished work.

I would, but I don't think my current mood & time frame allow that :-(

I found these three sculptures particularly interesting. I would go into more details about art history but I wouldn't want you to die of boredom,so I'll just leave you with the photos :)

On my way back to my grandpa's place, a little detour. This is apparently a famous bridge designed by some Japanese. Thought since I'm here, I'd check it out. Alright, I need to sort out the photos, if you're reading this, that means I've done it :P

Until next time, ta da, my friends~

A Deleted Comment

2006-02-17T14:00:00.000+13:00

I posted the comment below on Zee's blog in response to what she wrote about me, what do you know, she deleted it. I thought some of you might want to read about it. Anyway, I'm heading out now to visit my grandma in heaven, ta da

=============================

I am smashing myself by responding to this, but I have to. It's 5:32am and I haven't slept since I read this post. As much as I try to have a good time here in Taiwan, I am not.

First, you're welcome about the letter and sorry it made you cry. I had to because I still care about you. I don't assume things, I am a logical person, I analyse situations rather than jumping into conclusions blindly. Don't say that you care about me when everything else you did told people otherwise. I know what you told others about me when we were going out, "an obsessive freak". I hate to think what else you said about me that I do not know about. If I had stayed close to you after we broke up, can you imagine how much of an obsessive freak I'd look like? Do you still wonder why I try not to initiate conversations with you after we broke up?

What hurt me the most was not the break up, but the lies you told. I've never told anyone what you lied to me about. They have all been guessing "she said she loved you?" "she promised to stay with you forever?" ...etc. Everyone around me was gussing, apparently they said I had never been more depressed.

I held my silence, I felt that is the least I could do after you broke my heart.

Logically I can't trust you anymore. I placed my faith in you regardless of all the lies and false stories you told (don't go there, I knew what you told not just me but other people. Stories about your past, personalities and family) and still I chose to care about you, love you hoping that I could alliviate your pain and suffering so you wouldn't have to live with lies anymore.

The result I got a couple of months later was a message to break up over MSN and you were with Nick.

I said this many times before, I still say it now. I don't hate you and no, I am not ignoring you, except for the first 2 weeks after we broke up - I was blocking everyone out because I needed some space, that was not to you in particular. Since then when have I not responded to your greetings either on MSN, text message or in person? I still remember our last MSN conversation, you had to go after like 5 minutes because Nick was there. Then the last time I spoke to you, I mentioned that I hadn't seen you on MSN for a while. Don't pretend, not anymore, I knew that you blocked me on MSN, for at least 2 to 3 weeks. I was merely hinting you and you acted as it was nothing.

Please, please don't use Dotty as an excuse to make yourself or anyone else feel better. Dotty and I are married in an online game. Yes, she is cool, she's great, but we have not met in real life and chances are we won't for a very long time. The chances for us going out is even slimmer. It's not in real life.

Someone has to tell you this, and I know that no one close to you right now has the balls to say it (sorry, Stephen, no offense). You love Mattie just the way you thought you loved Nick. Just pause and listen to yourself for a second, you love Mattie with your life after being with him for how long? 2 weeks? and that was how long after you broke up with Nick?

Datig someone for 2 weeks and now you are already planning to move out with Mattie. Now look into your heart and tell me that is passionate love or otherwise.

True love, is forged over time.

Stephen is right. You have changed entirely as a person. In a good or bad way? I believe time has answered that. It's possiblely because of the kind of people you hang out with or lack of family love. Therefore you desire to be loved, cared and being the centre of attentions, although at the same time you seek excitement and constant change, which results in your inability to committ in a long term relationship. You claim that you know about love, but you have failed to see that there are people in this world who love you more than you love yourself. Who you are becoming is pushing those people away and leave you with people who just want to take advantage of you. That fact itself, is very heart breaking.

One more thing, for people like us, there is no love for god.

What makes you passionate about life?

2006-02-17T05:31:00.000+13:00

Friday 12:24 am 17 February 2006 New Zealand Time
Thursday 07:24 pm 16 February 2006 Taiwan Time

I left Taichung at 08:00 am and arrived in Kaohsiung at 10:40 this morning. I planned to walk to my grandpa's (mom's dad). Well, really it's more like I was going to find my way there since I only know his place is near an elementary school. That's with my laptop on one hand and a 15 Kg bag on the other hand, but I told myself - I'm a man and I can find my way there!

To my surprise my aunts were there to pick me up. Apparently my grandfather (dad's father in Taichung) had rung up my grandpa about my grand plan of finding my way there on foot. Obviously they don't approve lolz

Anyway, I rang up Karen & maybe I'll catch up with her family this weekend. Then I settled down, hooked myself up on the internet - yes, they got ADSL in the house :-) soooo many things to do. I hopped on MSN right away and talked to Trudy and Lisa Strong.

Lisa S. and I had an interesting conversation. She asked me about

"wats ur driving purpose in life bagwell?"
"wat makes u passionate about life?"

I went on and on about what my driving purpose in life was, from my childhood dreams of becoming famous to my early years of wanting to be invincible and untouchable. I guess I was afraid to say that my driving purpose in life really is love. Love, not lust, not one night stand but frosting everlasting love like diamonds forever. I promised Lisa S. that we'll talk about this topic in more detail :-)

What am I afraid of?

I've been asking myself that question since Lisa went offline. I am not afraid to die, I've always said "Death is only a change of state", not only so, but I believe so. I am not afraid of physical pain, if it's there, I deal with it. I am not afraid of dark, I embrace darkness... in the presence of Bagwell, darkness prevails.

So what is it that I am afraid of?

Am I afraid that I will never find my true love? or am I afraid of being hurt again? perhaps I am afraid of facing my own feelings? maybe I am afraid of who I am.

I hate who I am, so emotional, so foolish, I wish I could control my feelings. Sometimes I hate myself so much that I wish I could disappear, but I would always come back to reality and choose to stay. I remember when I was young. I was told to freeze all of my emotions. Hate, anger, envy, sorrow, joy and love. That seemed so easy to do when I was a kid, but as I grow up, I had gradually been overran by my emotions. Particularly love.

Still I believe in love, I like how Lisa described it

"and to be in the presence of love is to be able to share it with others. u know those rare moments where u just feel filled and overwhelmed by it"

Yes.. those rare moments. I choose to live through pain and suffering, for those rare moments.

This photo is dedicated to Aly. You encourage me to be confident and appreciate myself for who... or what I am. Thank you, Aly *hugs*

"One of the most interesting people I know is..." by Alyssa

2006-02-16T20:48:00.000+13:00

One of the most interesting people I know is...Bagwell! I met him on an online game through another friend. We clicked quickly and I really can't imagine life without him. He lives in New Zealand; where his life seems almost like an unfolding soap opera.
He keeps track of it all in his blog online.
He is a really cool guy but he has a lot of typical and untypical human flaws too.
He went through a break up recently and it really took its toll on him.
Supposedly he loved this girl a lot, perhaps a little too much.
She was quite a bit younger than him though, and just starting to get into her early adult rebellion phase
Bagwell spent a long time trying to understand why she woould hurt him so bad when supposedly she loved him.
I don't think the answer came.
Supposedly some guy named nick was involved; but to this day I'm still not sure what exact roll this mysterious character plays.
Bagwell now spends a lot of his time bad mouthing his ex's betrayal and Nick whenever he is upset.
Lately he has been using the word Nick instead of fuck.
"Stop nicking around!"
The last thing I have time to mention is Bagwell has a sword.
He is very serious about it and I'm afraid one day he might go on a rampage with it,
(The end)